Farty's Fortunes

Saturday, 28 July 2007

In Space, No-one Can Spill Your Drink

Space, says Douglas Adams, is big. And dangerous. Full of aliens with blaster guns and huge, gaping, slavering maws, if you believe half of the tosh being churned out at the pictures. This is why it's so terribly important to ensure we're sending the right stuff to explore it.

CentrifugeWhen you're training to be an astronaut, they prepare you for space travel by hurling you around and around in a huge centrifuge to simulate the high G-forces of liftoff. Or so they say.

Click to enlargeThen there's that gizmo what Leonardo da Vinci invented (click to enlarge, ladies) to spin you this way and that, allegedly to see how your body reacts to the disorientation of not knowing which way is 'up'.

Vomit CometAnd finally there's the so-called Vomit Comet. The clue is in the name. This wonderful piece of low technology allows potential astronauts to actually experience zero gravity, even if only for a few seconds at a time. Stephen Hawking swears by it.

What this means in practice is that, once they're spaceborne, our brave ambassadors to the cosmos should be completely inured against losing the contents of their stomachs after getting totally blootered on Buckie1.

By this point, you may be wondering why a human space traveller would need to be off his (or indeed her) tits in the first place?

Why, to be ready to make first contact with an alien race, of course!

Are You Looking At My Orion Slave Girl?

1 Intoxicated after imbibing a popular brand of tonic wine.

5 comments:

Sewmouse said...

You have to give them credit for hyper-intelligence however. Who but the most intelligent and pithy of persons could come up with a snappy comment like "It's an inescapable fact that human spaceflight involves humans."

Why, it's almost GeorgeBushian in its simplicity.

john.g. said...

Alien race? You live in Scotchland don't you?

Manuel said...

So much better than my post on the same issue....

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

I thought they drank Pangalactic Gargleblasters. Or is that another name for Buckie?

Mr Farty said...

Sew - Nothing is as simple as Dubya. See the Brazilian entry above.

John - You! Ootside! Now!

Manuel - You're not suggesting I nicked the idea after reading your post, surely?

*cough*

Daffers - You've been taking notes, I see. Well done, go to the top of the class.