Farty's Fortunes

Monday, 16 June 2014

Anniversary

I saw you today.
For one brief moment
I thought she really was you.
She looked like you
With the sun framing your hair
In a golden halo.
Obviously she wasn't you.
Couldn't be you.
You hadn't aged a day.
Has it really been twenty years?
Still, you took my breath away
And you stopped my heart
Even after all this time.
Who would have thought
I could be so badly smitten
By the ghost of your memory?
You only kissed me once
Or twice.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

The Return

The Earth shivered.

Long had this day been foretold by the prophets. And long had the people made fun of them, saying, "Mock us not with your children's stories. This shall never come to pass."

The shivering slowly grew to a rumbling.

Spake the prophets: "They roamed the Earth long before our time and yea! They shall come again!"

The rumbling became a steady, full-throated roar.

"But times have changed", countered the people. "And their time is long gone. Let the dead past bury its dead."

A glint of silver appeared on the horizon. A few moments later, it was joined by another, then a third. Soon they would be here. Children hugged their mothers' skirts, whimpering with fear.

Glistening in the dawn light, the giant, sightless beasts came snaking across the plains, unerringly following the scent of humans into the city.

Gathering their strength, they leapt together across the fire trench and pounced upon the citizens like cats upon mice, ripping flesh from bones in a blood-soaked frenzy of long-abated hunger.

The trams were back.

Monday, 20 February 2012

She's A Juanita

Gaga

Monday, 6 February 2012

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened

Those of you with very long memories may remember my second-shortest post ever.

Well, guess what? Despite constant interruptions from Hailey, Victor and her menagerie of pets, not to mention her adoring readers, Jenny finally finished writing her book.

Book

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is available for pre-order from all good bookstores. And Amazon.

It. Is. Awesome.

Probably.

I've ordered mine. How about you?

Monday, 2 January 2012

I Learned Something Today

I've been catching up with reruns of The Big Bang Theory and after hearing the theme song half a dozen times in a row I looked up autotroph and it turns out they are the organisms at the bottom of the food chain pyramid which live off of inorganic matter and convert it into organic molecules using photosynthesis and that.

Which totally screws up my post on Inorganic Food.

Bugger.

Also, I had been led to believe that energy and matter are different forms of each other, in the same way that space and time are inextricably linked, and that all of these are basic building blocks in the universe; that they can neither be created nor destroyed, merely changed from one form to another.

So imagine my astonishment when the lady on another telly show said that some DIY enthusiasts had managed to create both space and light simply by knocking through a wall in an old house.

Wonders will never cease.

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Farty's Ecksmas Quiz 2011

Let's have an Ecksmas Quiz!

1. Easy one to start with. Name that choon.
Choon

2. Pick the odd one out.
a) The Great Scottish Haggis Hunt.
b) Loch Ness Monster sightings.
c) The Edinburgh Trams.
d) UFOs over Bonnybridge.

Sorry, I got distracted by shiny. Continuing...

3. What famous quote from Independence Day was appropriated by Disney's Tangled? (Clue: You won't find it in IMDB, I just checked.)

4. At what age is it appropriate to ask someone if they still believe in Jesus?

5. What nationality is Andy Murray...
(a) When he wins?
(b) When he loses?

6. What is wrong with this picture? (click to embiggen)
Proving Atheists Wrong With Science #1

7. Better question: What's right with it?

To be continued. Maybe.

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Bear With Me



This seems to be International Bear Week or something. First, poor Sir David Attenborough gets slated for using zoo pictures of baby polar bears in his Frozen Planet series. Shocking stuff. Did Professor Brian Cox film his Wonders of the Solar System while in orbit around Jupiter? No? Now I feel cheated.

Then Jenny the Bloggess posts a link to a French film producer who looks a bit on the hairy side.

And now there are rumours that Edinburgh's very own Panda Bears may not be all they're cracked up to be. Where will it all end?