Farty's Fortunes

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Twitter: Watching William & Kate The Wedding So You Don't Have To

So today the UK's Channel 5 screened William & Kate: The Movie. Sadly, I missed it, but thankfully Twitter came to the rescue and filled me in on all the pertinent details. Which I shall now share with you and, indeed, posterity.

Obligatory Diana reference #solemn

This is like a porn film with no porn.

They should show this to the prisoners of Guantanamo Bay - more effective than waterboarding.

Ooh a london bus on the wrong side of the road

Obligatory Diana reference 2 #insulting

wow...typical student accomodation...just like mine when I was at college...ha

Could they not have got an English English-speaking person to check the damned script?

He's groping her arse! Nice one Wills. That's what I call Royal protocol.

Stephen and I are watching Will and Kate: the Movie. It's like a fairytale - without a fairy. Or a tale.

Obligatory Diana reference 3 #comparisons

Kate, a tip: keep your knees together when getting out of a sports car.

I love how an hour & a half after the film started my auntie just piped up "Is that meant to be Kate?". The power of acting.


She's never cut a cucumber in her life!

I keep waiting for Ben Cross to shout 'I was in Chariots of Fire you know!'

Is this our generation's Mr Darcy moment?

'Assuming, Miss Middleton, that you wear undergarments.'

"I can assure you I wear undergarments."

I don't wear 'undergarments' #justsaying

I love American made shows set in Britain like #williamandkate. Has anyone shouted "wanker" yet?

When is Wikipedia going to be updated with all the new facts we have learned today?

I've just realised the nice couple in this story have the same names as Prince William and Kate Middleton. How odd.

Obligatory Diana reference/flashback #tragic

I know whenever i go camping in africa, i always take my chaise lounge and silverware with me

Best Green Screen EVER


I can't believe Kate went back to her home planet.

and i hear the sequel is being shown next Friday

I can't wait.

Monday, 11 April 2011

Now I Feel Bad

So last week I was in some foreign country and I didn't take my camera most of the places I went because everybody's already taken a zillion photos of their Spanish holiday resort and honestly who wants to see even more of that crap unless they're planning to go there themselves and want to check it out first? But I did take my phone because now the EU's ordered the mobile phone companies to stop gouging their customers with "roaming charges" for taking their phones abroad when it costs the companies themselves a fucking pittance to interoperate? Not that I use the phone all that much for phone calls but I feel lost without Twitter and guess what? They still charge an arm and a leg for data, so I had to top up twice.

Anyway, I used the phone to take some snaps and post them to Twitpic, but of course this phone doesn't upload Twitpic photos because O2|Sony Ericson|Twitpic are assholes. So I had no way of knowing if the photos which I posted at great expense to Twitpic had actually arrived as sent until I sat down tonight at the PC to review them. Oh, fuck.

Someone did post a comment asking if I'd even checked my snap of Steamboat Willow because it was shit and I just blocked him out of force of habit, but it turns out he wasn't just being nasty. Steamboat Willow. Sorry.

As a special treat, here's another picture I took from the apartment.

Also, I tweeted most of what happened while I was away but there's no signal at 30,000 feet, so here's what you missed if you're on Twitter:

No signal? *Hyperventilates*

Reading Mrs F's magazine. Munter, munter, @ThisIsDavina, munter, @RealLorraine, munter, done. Bored now.

So we're five miles up, held aloft by the latest technology...why do the seat rows go 10, 11, 12, 14?

Seven quid for a baguette? What's on it, unicorn or griffin?

Coming over the Spanish coast now. I wonder if I left the gas on?

Everything on this flight costs extra. I hope if we crash, it's on land. Otherwise they'll be trying to sell us life-jackets.

The cabin crew are friendly but dead behind the eyes. They're speaking Spanish right now. I assume they're saying, "I hate my job".

We're coming in to Malaga. Or Mauritius. Or Morocco. Something beginning with "M". I suck at geography.

Then we had a holiday. Which was nice. And then...

Glad we checked in online, only had to queue 45 mins at the "bag drop" (check-in) desk.

Also? Incredible number of morons here with no grasp of the concept of "excess baggage" or "no bottled nitroglycerin".

Some twat has left their bag unattended. Bit wary to report it in case they evacuate the airport.

Yes, we would go back. As soon as they invent Star Trek type transporters.