That Was The Week, Was It?

So I was reading Tired Dad's blog post about his top five most hated television programmes and I was tempted to join in, but my attention was caught by this highly-pertinent but almost throwaway comment:
Several people list that “fuckin 10 O’Clock Show shite” in their top five, and I briefly argue. But even I have to concede that I WANT to like it more than I ACTUALLY do.

And I know exactly what TD means. Every week, I tune in in the hope of watching some cutting-edge biting satire of the sort that hasn't really been seen since That Was The Week That Was, back in Olden Times (pre-Moon Landing). And every week I feel vaguely disappointed that it wasn't longer, that some bases weren't properly covered, that it was all a wee bit "shoddy".

But then, maybe my memories of TW3 have become sepia-tinted with age. After all, I was just a nipper and couldn't possibly have understood most of the jokes. On @10OClockLive it's remarkably similar. Jimmy Carr, for example, will make some hilarious double-entendre, listen to the first wave of laughter and then glance at his watch while the cognoscenti who "got it" right away explain the joke to their less clued-up companions...aaand there goes the second wave.

And a live news show is always going to be shoddy; it's the whole point. Some items are literally thrown in at the last minute, which is every editor's worst nightmare, never mind stand-up comedians.

Still, I do feel that the presenters are letting off lightly the politicians who deign to appear on the show, ready to be cross-examined by some posh bloke from Oxbridge. Sometimes it seems it's David Mitchell who's being hung on the ropes by media-savvy, well-coached, silver-tongued weasel-word merchants. Or perhaps producers are afraid that if he were to really lay into them, the supply may suddenly dry up. Time will tell.

Lauren Laverne makes very pleasant eye-candy, but other than that she seems to be very much the token female. Appearing in just one short prerecorded sketch per week, she spends the rest of the time trying to keep her boys under control long enough to go to an ad break. Maybe Jo Brand could show her how it's done?

Of course the star of the show has to be that lucky bastard who married Konnie Huq. Charlie Brooker has taken to live satire like a duck to bird-flu. All of his own segments appear to be well-rehearsed, coherent and relevant, while he joins in the group discussions with carefully-constructed snippets of wisdom. I want to be him when I grow up.

The show as a whole just doesn't seem to fit into it's ample 65-minute slot. Maybe that's down to the ad breaks, but at least they stop any one item from tying up the whole programme.

Oh well, three months to go. I'm sure it'll all mesh together by the end of the run.

I'm Just Being Honest

So. Yet another award. (Yes, GiGGLe, I know I still haven't posted up yours. Be patient, and feed that baby FFS!) This one's from Taffeta Welsh Girl and it comes with strings attached. I have to tell you ten honest things about myself and then pass it on to some other bloggers who will be totally delighted to follow suit. *cough*

1. I worked in a stationery shop (John Menzies) as a "summer" job just after leaving school, to make some money to get the hell out of Scotchland for a sunny summer holiday for a change. If a customer asked whether we had any product x, I'd never bother to check, I'd just tell them to try our competitor round the corner. They must have loved me at Waterstones.Summer in Embra


2. I actually quite like Simon Cowell. Louis Walsh? Not so much.


3. One time at school I heard this really funny joke ¹, so I told it to one of my school friends. He said it was a great joke, but he didn't personally find it all that funny since his dad had died of cancer. He should have explained that to me before I told him the joke.


4. I spent many a happy schoolday afternoon perfecting my artistic skills by repeatedly drawing Snoopy atop his kennel, when I should have been studying Physics. Physics is the only subject where I scored an 'A'. Go figure.
   Yep. Still crap.


5. I am so tech-savvy. Mrs F bought me a new mobile phone as a late Xmas present just over a year ago and I like to use it as an FM radio. I found the volume control last Saturday. I wonder if it can get Radio 1?


6. Despite living in the UK, I visited New York years before ever setting eyes on London. Both times I was just passing through - NYC on my way to Raleigh, NC in 1976 for that long, hot summer holiday and London on my way to Seacon '79 in Brighton. My overriding memory of both cities? Dirty.


7. I didn't cry at M's funeral (five years ago this week). At first I thought perhaps it was because I was being the strong one for Mrs F, but maybe my brain just doesn't work that way.


8. You know how there are people who think they're the life and soul of the party, and there are those who really are? I prefer the second type.


9. Although bad grammar makes me [sic], I still like to misspell some words deliberately. Probly something to do with being a Scotchman from Embra.


10. I've never literally pissed myself laughing, or rolled on the floor laughing, but this really did make me laugh out loud.
    

Hmmm. Whose day can I ruin?
Mr H, I've Been Mugged, Lesley? Over to you.

¹ An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotchman were fighting in the First World War. Sick of trench life, they were desperate to return home. All three were due for a medical check-up and were waiting outside the medical officer's quarters.
The Englishman entered. A few minutes later he came out and shouted, "Yes!, I'm going home, I've got BB".
The Scotchman thought for a while and then said, "Don't tell me, Bad Back".
The Englishman nodded.
Next, the Scotchman entered and returned after a few seconds, screaming, "FF, FF, I've got FF!".
The Englishman smiled at him and said, "That must be Flat Feet. You're going home as well ".
Then came the Irishman's turn. He reappeared a few minutes later shouting, "Yes, Yes, Yes, I've got TC !, I'm going home".
The Scotchman and the Englishman both gave him a puzzled look.
"What's TC?", asked the Scotchman.
The Irishman replied, "Terminal Cancer, isn't it great?".

Finish That Sentence

1. My uncle once: told me I was rubbish in bed.

2. Never in my life: have I wanted to be on Big Brother.

3. When I was five: we still had black-and-white TV. And two channels. The content was far superior to today's.

4. High school was: worthy of several posts all on its own. The drugs, the bullying, the sexual liaisons, the murders - and that was just the teachers!

5. I will never forget: Mrs Gray, my English teacher. Hubba.

6. Once I met: myself coming the other way. So now I know the time machine works.

7. There’s this girl I know: she's amazing - beautiful, intelligent, witty, charming; brown eyes flecked with gold, gazing out from beneath a short, blonde fringe as she squeezes my hand and describes all the wonders she's seen that day and tells me of her fantastic plans for the next, before she flies off to gladden someone else's heart.

8. Once, at a bar: stay there till closing time. It beats fighting through the crowd again.

9. By noon, I’m usually: ready for chilli nachos.

10. Last night: it was dark.

11. If only I had: lady boobs, my life would be complete.

12. Next time I go to church: it'll be to dance at Margaret Thatcher's funeral.

13. What worries me most: is that they'll find out about the portal.

14. When I turn my head left I see: flashes.

15. When I turn my head right I see: that it's time for my meds.

16. You know I’m lying when: I'm in a horizontal position.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: sharing a chillum with friends.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Bottom. Duh.

19. By this time next year: I'll be a year older.

20. A better name for me would be: Fat Freddie.

21. I have a hard time understanding: creationists.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: take an AK-47 with me.

23. You know I like you if: a bulge appears under my kilt.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the one who handed me the award.

25. Take my advice, never: take my advice.

26. My ideal breakfast is: in bed. With Hollaby Wallaby.

27. A song I love but do not have is: Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands by Bob Dylan.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: stay on the bus/train/boat/plane.

29. Why won’t people: STFU?

30. If you spend a night at my house: just ignore the screams.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: Nadine Coyle crying: "It should have been me!"

32. The world could do without: humans.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: have it lick my belly.

34. My favourite blonde is: Hollaby Wallaby.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: snot. But sometimes you have to use what's available.

36. If I do anything well it’s: news to me.

37. I can’t help but: poke fun, it keeps the shadows at bay.

38. I usually cry: "Fore!" Just as they're in mid-swing.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: don't get caught.

40. And by the way: it's your turn.

(Thanks to Mr Angry for the meme).