Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Most Embarrassing Moment or something

Saw this story in Spanish Goth's blog, and it reminded me of this episode from 1979...

*picture goes wavy as we switch to flashback mode*

Gay friend Andy and I had, after extensive research, found the perfect place to get a decent Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster1 - none other than the World's End Pub in Embra's Royal Mile. All you had to do was bring your own sugar cubes and warn them you were coming so that they could chill the glasses to absolute zero.

We sank a couple, slowly, watching the bubbles rise and the colours swirl as we chatted about life, the universe and everything (when that phrase was still cool). Then a couple more...and...yes, they are very morish, aren't they? Ok, just one more for the road...and one for luck...

We tunlbed tumbled out the door much, much later, feeling jusht fine, until the fresh night air hit us. I managed nearly thirty paces (and, come to think of it, must have crossed a busy road) before I went down. "Andy! Andy!" I gasped, "I cannae go on. Here, take my stash for safe keeping!" That's how close we were. He tried to help me up, but my legs had taken on a life of their own, one that involved lolloping about like Jamie Oliver's tongue. So he stashed the hash deep in his pocket and stumbled off up the road and around the corner into the night. Darkness descended...

"Hello, hello, hello," or words to that effect, oozed their way into my stream of conciousness. I chanced my eyesight by cracking open an eyelid. The filth! Thank Christ I was clean. Not counting the vomit on my shoes. Trousers. And shirt.

"Evening, offishers."

"Can you tell us where you live?"


"So what are you doing in Aberdeen?"

That woke me up. I clambered unsteadily to my feet.

"I may be drunk, offisher, but I know North Bridge when I see it!" From a loooooooong way below. And why is it spinning?

He must have been in a good mood that night, or near the end of his shift. "On your way, then." I gave him my toothiest smile and staggered off in the general direction of home and bed.

A few days later.

"Hi, Farty! How's life?"

"Hi, Andy." I recounted the tale of my brush with The Law, while we disposed of my stash in the safest possible way. "So *inhale.hold...and release* how did you get on?"

"Oh, I made it all the way round the corner before I passed out."

1Our recipe fell through a wormhole in the space-time continuinuum and landed in my lap at Seacon '79. This was my first and last visit to sunny Brighton, which was a shame because the nudist beach opened in 1980.

Our Recipe

Place a sugar cube in the base of a frosted glass.
Add a dash of Angostura Bitters.
One measure of blue curacao.
And one measure of Creme de Menthe.
Fill to the brim with champagne.
After it settles, top up with Parfait Amour.
Stir cautiously and sip.


Admin. said...


Cat said...

Hmm. Reminiscent of my only experience of drinking absinthe. Never, ever again.

SpanishGoth said...

LMFAO - *still snorting* - Funny dude. I never fuck with comments but I am going to add a direct link to this. Shit - you made me blow Wodka out of my nose :-)))

lady macleod said...

great story, I don't know about that concoction...I shall have to give that some thought; albeit I will say it sounds a good deal more fun than getting looped from injections in the ER!

Mr Farty said...

Admin - Er, ok. I'm gonna HAVE to find out how you get music to play when I click on your blog link.

Cat - Never tried absinthe. Probably never will, but I said the same about technorati. And hash.

Goth - Aw, shucks. *blushes*

Lady M - As Zaphod Beeblebrox put it, "Never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters unless you are a thirty ton mega elephant with bronchial pneumonia."

Mr. X said...

We bet that hurt in the morning!

Did your tongues turn blue as well?

john.g. said...

Christ Farty, you could run a car on that!!

Anonymous said...

I now have a pounding headache.

Mr Farty said...

Mr X - Ah, so you've also partaken.

John - Sacrilege!

Babzy - What, like as if you've had your "brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick"? I wonder what could have brought that on?

lady macleod said...

You are TOO FUNNY. I have just come from watching the lion movie you left for the good woman over at 'my wee scottish blog'. Too funny.

Manuel said...

I ruined a perfectly good Christmas with pints of green monsters, blue curacao, half cider, half lager. Spent most of the day chucking up like goodo. Not a popular chap I can tell you. Never done it again....

Anonymous said...

When you wrote "lemon" it reminded me of drinking lemon gin right out of the bottle with my friends (all around 16 years old)and crawling on our hands and knees up a long flight of wooden steps from the beach near our home.

Lemon gin ... EEEEWWWWWWW YUK!

Mr Farty said...

Lady M - It wasn't my movie, I just remembered it from my first encounter with Non-Working Monkey. She is brill. Even funnier than me.

btw, there's also a LIVE ACTION version of the lion movie. I had nothing to do with that either.

Manuel - Cider I like. Can't stand lager though. Cider & curacao - apples & oranges...interesting combination.

Babzy - F*** me, what a cupid stunt! So to speak.

hesitant scribe said...

Oh that made howl! And smile - I've been to the World's End in Embrah!

Mr Farty said...

Scribe - Small world, innit?

Anonymous said...

Mr Farty sounds like you need to weigh in on our discussion about swear words. I'd love to get your input.

Brom said...

"After it settles" Bloody Norah!