Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 31 December 2009

Resolutions Revisited

So, I just checked out my new year's resolutions from this time last year and guess what? Oh crap.

Last week I caught up on last year's Sunday Night Xmas Project. Still got months of other stuff still to see, including Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - yes, I've just seen 3, so I can guess who wins.

Still haven't used the digital photo frame - anybody want one? I really don't see the point.

Doctor Who gets to fight an old enemy tomorrow, so no change there then.

I now have a printer/scanner, which I've used more for printing than scanning. Sorry.

Blogroll. Oops. Just look at who I'm following on Twitter, it's far easier.

My resolution for 2010? 1152×864. I am such a geek.

Happy New Year!

Sunday, 27 December 2009

We Did Warn You

As has been reported heavily in the press, plane bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was reported to US authorities a good six months before the attack. Some insight into the Merkans' lack of enthusiasm to follow up the matter at the time can be gleaned from this copy of an email sent by the would-be bomber's father to the CIA:

Lagos, Nigeria.
Attention: The CIA.

Dear Sir,

Confidential Security Proposal

Having consulted with my family and based on the information received from Nigerian Secret Service, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer a Verified Member of Al Qaida into your custody. The above request resulted from many years of intelligence gathering, internet Deep Packet Inspection and other means which I cannot discuss in an open forum such as this with your good self in case of Eaves Dropping.

We are now ready to transfer the suspect overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as a former Chairman of Nigeria's FirstBank, I and my family are forbidden to operate a foreign Bank Account; that is why we require your assistance. The total reward will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international expenses incidental to the renderition.

If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your banker's name, telephone, account and fax numbers.

(b) your private telephone and fax numbers — for confidentiality and easy communication.

(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.

Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply urgently.

Best regards
Umaru Mutallab

Friday, 11 December 2009

Advent Calendar

Today, I receive a pleasant surprise from an old friend. Allow me to share it
with you.


Cheers, Daffers! *hic*

Monday, 7 December 2009

A Scottish Wedding

So. Yeah. I was asked to be the official photographer at a wedding in Dornoch this year. Cool, huh? See what you think. Click to embiggen etc.


Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Queen Faces Sacking

The Queen was last night facing calls for her abdication after referring to a Labour politician as a "dreadful little oik" on her Facebook page.

Off With His Head

Her Majesty is believed to have called for the summary execution of Peter White, Labour candidate for Havering council, after a brief show trial for treason against the Crown.

"One cannot have these dreadful little oiks running around calling one a German parasite," said The Queen, 83. "Throw him in the Tower and make an example of him. Let's have him hung, drawn and quartered, like that Guy Fawkes chap, then hold a public holiday to celebrate the event. That would cheer one up immensely."

All Sound and Fury

Mr C. Windsor, a resident of Clarence House, London, described Her Majesty's attitude as "totally unacceptable", insisting that "Mumsy, er, that is The Queen, should stand down and let me, er, someone more in touch with one's subjects, take his rightful place on the throne. And Camilla agrees."

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Flying Colours

At last the Red Arrows flying team have acquired a female member, hurrah!

It's tempting to say she's there to make the tea, or to pass a comment about women drivers, but honestly, I'm very impressed.

You go, girl!

Wednesday, 11 November 2009


So. After the burglary, we found the bedroom strewn with the contents of the filing cabinet, which we hastily threw into a couple of boxes for later sorting. Which is what I've been doing today.

What a load of junk.

Receipts dating back to 1998, guarantees long since expired, instructions for a Soda Stream FFS. Any amount of old credit card statements going back to the dawn of time (and yes, aware of identity fraud, I had the cards cancelled on Sunday night).

And then I found this letter. I don't normally put my name up in lights on the interwebs, but in this case I'll make an exception.


Opening it, I found this beautiful picture.

And turning it over, this important document.

Some thing are irreplaceable. Thank FSM he didn't get this.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Keep Your Shed Secure

Those of you not on Twitter may not have been aware that Farty Towers was burgled over the weekend, hence the not-keeping-up-with NaBloPoMo. Sorry.

Yes, they caught him and no, it was too late, he'd already sold our stuff. Jewellery, camera, ice axe (really), baby clothes (WTF?), booze. Weird thing was he'd picked up and moved, unopened, a bag labelled "Barclays Diamonds" containing LMF and DB's wedding rings. Those are now in a bank vault.

Anyway, the Crime Prevention Officer was here today and as part of his security advice, mentioned that garden forks and that are handy tools for breaking into a house, so you need to keep your shed secure too.

On the leaflet he left with us it says, "Recommend hostile/aggressive plants around perimeter fences and boundary walls".

What do you reckon?


Friday, 6 November 2009

Farty's Friday Chart

Haven't done this for a while. Look at the picture and...


...name that tune.

Mouse over the picture if you're really stuck.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Off Their Crusts

So on the one hand Threshers are to close hundreds of stores and on the other, proper scienticians like Professor David Nutt saying that cannabis and LSD are less harmful than tobacco and alcohol and should therefore be decriminalised.

Is it just me or are the off-licence retailers missing a trick here? The phrase, "I'm just nipping down to the shops for some tabs" could take on a whole new meaning. Think of all the new tax revenue the government could raise, without worrying about cirrhosis, lung cancer, heart disease and all the shit that goes with fags and booze eating up hospital budgets.

But don't send the kids to get your skunk, just in case they come back with the wrong thing.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Paved With Good Inventions

It says here that the best scientific invention of all time was the X-Ray machine. And the TV and mobile phone never even made the top ten? Sure...

More interestingly, No. 5 on the list is the V2 rocket. You know, the successor to the Doodlebug. The one that killed thousands in London during the Blitz and thousands more prisoners of war during its manufacture. Great invention, that. Who made up the shortlist, Adolf Hitler?

Also, hands up who's even heard of the Pilot Ace Computer? Exactly. I call shenanigans.

My own top five inventions for their "impact on the past, present and future"?

  1. The Time Machine. Because I wanna fight Morlocks.

  2. The Faster-Than-Light Drive. Saves all that hassle of waiting years to get to your destination.

  3. The Anisokinetic Punch. Transmits force through a 90° angle. Pretty cool.

  4. Soylent Green. Tasty and nutritious, yum!

  5. Multivac. The greatest computer ever, except for maybe Deep Thought.

Who said they had to be real?

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

The Oldest Face in Scotchland

Scienticians recently unearthed what is described as The Oldest Face in Scotchland.

The 5000-year-old stone carving was found in Orkney, which is that bunch of islands up at the top of Scotchland. Somebody must have had really sharp eyes to spot it: it's fooking tiny.

It went on display in Embra Castle and loads of people paid a fortune to come and see it. They could have saved themselves the trouble - you can see Ming Campbell at his Fife constituency any time you like (except when he's fiddling his expenses in London). He's richt auld. Heh.

Oldest Face

Ming Campbell

Anyway, it's gone on tour with Rod Stewart or something. More details here.

Monday, 2 November 2009

Living In The Future

Busted - The Year 3000.

So I went to the future but it wasn't so great. All of the chicks, although pretty fine, turned out to be my own great-great-great-grand-daughters. Which kinda sucked.

The Earth had had its axis straightened so that we could have BST all year round, but that had melted what was left of the polar ice caps and put all the ski instructors out of a job.

The Earth was, of course, flooded, but that was ok because the scienticians had worked out how to give everybody gills so they could live underwater. Oh, and since people were pretty bored with eating fish every day, they'd bio-engineered squid to taste like chicken.

Oh and Jedward's seventh album had gone multi-platinum, so it was just as well that ears had been done away with. Innit?

Sunday, 1 November 2009


So it's that time of year again, when the clocks go back and we need something entertaining to brighten up our long winter evenings. Sadly, we're stuck with Strictly Come Dancing1 and The X Factor2.

On the one hand we have well-loved tunes being mauled by some half-wit who thinks it's a good idea to randomly cut out half the lines to fit the song into half the time and on the other hand, yep, exactly the same thing.

Strictly isn't terrible, with the exception of Brucie's jokes, but oh, deary me, what is it with Jedward on The X Factor? Instead of gradually improving week by week, under the careful supervision of their mentor, like any normal contestant, they seem to revel in sinking further and further into the mire of publicity-happy mediocrity. Like Jade Goody, Kerry Katona and Barrack O'Bama(sp?), they are famous simply for being famous.

I'll admit that at the start, I said I'd stop watching if the terrible twins made it onto the live show, but now there's a morbid fascination with the anticipation of which classic they're going to murder next. And last night they hit a new nadir with Queen's "We Will Rock You".

I'm not saying we should form vigilante squads armed with duct tape and ball gags. No, wait. That's exactly what I'm saying. We could replace them with a pair of shaving brushes and no-one would be the wiser. Well, Simon might comment on the massive improvement in their performance, but that's about it.

Boydrone and Westlifeless have a natural successor.

1 Merkans read "Dancing With The Stars".
2 Merkans read "American Idol".


Thursday, 29 October 2009

The Other Love Of My Life

Oh, my darling, how I've missed you! Can you forgive me for ignoring you all day? I must say, you look absolutely enchanting in those clothes, are they new? I'd like to gently peel them off, then slowly enter you and bury my face in your pillows. You're so warm and inviting, from your head right down to your, er, foot.


Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Computer Terms Illustrated

Seems I've still got a few of these to write up. Honestly, dozens. Maybe I could do one of these a day for a month?

HTTP Error 502 - Bad Gateway

Connected to host


Static Ram

Garbage Collection

Authoring Tools

Memory Leak




Thursday, 15 October 2009

Ying Tong Iddle I Po

In a last, brave attempt to drag this blog back into the land of the living, I have decided to have a go at that NaBloPoMo thingy. It sounds really complicated; according to the website, "Post every day for a month. That's all you have to do."

The month will be November, but I'll try to work up some momentum between now and then.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Killing Two Birds

Remember me? I used to have a blog that I cared about. Then I got hooked on Twitter and let it all go to pot. Yeah, sorry about that. I'd promise a swift return to normal service, except I never did figure out what was normal for this blog in the first place.

So what has Farty been doing, I hear you ask?

[Reader: So what has Farty been doing?]

I'm glad you asked that. Helping Mrs F to babysit our new grand-daughter quite a bit, if you must know, but in between that, I was at a wedding Oop North three weeks ago as "Official Photographer", and have been weeding out the crap, balancing colour, straightening things up etc. to try and achieve something more-or-less presentable for the happy couple. Who are now back from their honeymoon and asking awkward questions, e.g. why is the sky blue, will the universe expand forever and does anyone still watch Ellen?

Any road up, at one point we were at the beach and Mr & Mrs M decided to make this pose:Beach
I think they're expecting me to add some sort of witty caption, but my mind has gone blank blanker than usual. Can you help?

P.S. Lesley, stop drooling, he's spoken for.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

Updated: Ezee-Keyzee

I've been thinking. Shut up, it can happen. You know how mobile keypads are all small and fidgety and hard to operate when you're drunk? Well, I've invented a keyboard like on a mobile phone but - and here's the clever part - instead of having all the letters of the alphabet, plus numbers and shit it's got a small, simple set of symbols pre-programmed to enter entire words and phrases at a single keypress! Yeah. So you can have LOL, ROFLMAO, WTF, "your retarded", "yo momma", ect.

I was going to post a Photoshopped picture to go with but I was rudely interrupted and now it's midnight, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

"You're welcome"

Updated: It coliary looks like this:

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Geoengineering may be it, Royal Society says

From a search on "global warming" in Google News today:

Life may depend on giant sunshade

Boffins: Give up on CO 2 cuts, only geoengineering can work

World must plan for climate emergency - report

Royal Society warns climate engineering 'could cause disaster'

The most radical ideas on Earth might just save it

Climate may need emergency fix: report

Hopes dashed for geo-engineering solutions

Risky 'geoengineering' measures may be needed to save climate: Report

Investment in geo-engineering needed immediately, says Royal Society

All clear as mud? Try this:

Shooting sulphate aerosols into the stratosphere would work well, said the Royal Society, as previous volcanic eruptions have shown in the past. When Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted in 1991, for example, global temperatures dropped by 0.5C the following year.

Doug Parr, chief scientitian at Greenpeace UK, said: "The most promising option is to detonate all the world's nuclear bombs in Yellowstone Park, triggering the dormant supervolcano and launching dust and gases high into the stratosphere to block out the sun for decades, allowing the world to cool down to its natural temperature, whatever that is. This would also get rid of those pesky atomic warheads, so you know, win/win."

I might be paraphrasing that last bit, but I think it conveys the gist of the report. We're doomed.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

World Mourns IRA Backer

The world was in mourning last night for the notorious killer and terrorist fundraiser Edward "Ted" Kennedy, who died after his own revolted body turned against him in disgust.

Best known for the 1969 killing of political campaigner Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick, Kennedy was also heavily involved in financing terrorist organisation the Irish Republican Army (IRA), holding innumerable fundraising parties in order to pay for guns, ammunition, training, bomb-making materials, etc.

Sinn Féin mastermind Gerry Adams said, "If it hadn't been for Ted's relentless fundraising activities, we, er, I mean the IRA would have run out of money to buy guns back in the 1970s, but thanks to his help, we, um, they were able to kill British soldiers, policemen and the hated Protestants right through the '80s, '90s and on into the 21st century. For that, terrorists everywhere owe him an undying debt of gratitude."

In 2004, airline agents acting on the advice of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) attempted to block the known terrorist backer from boarding five separate flights, but on each occasion the silver-tongued killer was able to con officials into believing that he was in fact a respected US Senator and allowed to proceed with his campaign of terror.

Finally, however, Kennedy's own brain turned against him and successfully finished him off on Tuesday, August 25, 2009. He will be missed only by supporters of terrorism.

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

No Representation Without Taxation

So Hillary Clinton thinks it would be absolutely wrong to release Libyan Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi from prison over his alleged involvement in the Lockerbie bombing.

As a US citizen, Clinton pays no UK taxes. And this is perfectly right and proper, but it cuts both ways. As a non-taxpayer in this country, it would be absolutely wrong for her to dictate how our judicial system should operate.

All the more so since the US government has consistently withheld evidence all the way from the initial investigation to the trial and subsequent appeal.

To summarize: Dear Hillary, Fuck off. Yours, Scotland.

Just my twopence worth.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

We Are A Grandmother


Baby Farty arrived in the world this morning, courtesy of Little Miss Farty. Mrs Farty and I are so proud!

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Somalia sends food parcels to House of Commons to supplement MPs' rations

Somalians have dug deep in their pockets after hearing of the plight of British MPs, who are being treated like shit and have to live on rations, according to Shadow Commons leader Alan Duncan.

"This is absolutely scandalous," said Mogadishu resident Saeed Abdallah. "Here we are, living in the lap of luxury with not a care in the world, except for the occasional suicide bombing or random beheading, while hardworking British lawmakers have to scrape by on as little as £64,766 pa. Plus expenses.

"When the Somali people learned of the MPs' plight through a wind-up radio tuned into the BBC World Service, we immediately agreed to club together and collect every grain of rice we could pry from between the floorboards, along with the leftover bones from a stray dog we caught and ate a couple of weeks ago.

"We hope that this offering, though small, will help sustain the starving MPs through these times of hardship until after the next election, when it is sincerely hoped that their freeloading snouts will be back in the trough before you can say duck house."

Tuesday, 11 August 2009


Hmmm. No response from Twitter on mobile, Twitterfox, Firefox, IE8, Tweetdeck - there's some kind of pattern emerging there. I'd better tweet about it and see what my tweeps make of it all. No, wait...

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Computer Terms Illustrated #31

I would ask if anyone still reads this crap, but my hit counter just passed 50,000 so I'll take that as a yes. You sad, lonely people. No, not you, you're great. The rest of them. Losers.


In stall



Denial of Service

Hot Fuzz (click for clip)

Sin Tax Error

Thin Client


End now?


Still to come - Bobby Tables, Bullean Algebra, Bigendian, Cloud Computing...

Saturday, 25 July 2009

East Fortune Air Show

Originally uploaded by Farty's Photos
Hah, it looks just like there's a girl doing a headstand on top of that bi-plane! No, wait...

More pictures over at my Flickr page (somewhere in the right margin, look for photos).

Friday, 24 July 2009

The Gathering

I like it - apart from the weather.

That one sentence about sums up the visitor experience of Scotchland in general and Embra in particular.

This weekend, clan leaders from all four corners of the globe [Globes don't have corners - Ed.] will meet for the biggest brawl gathering in recorded history. The locals have already started boarding up their windows in preparation.

Bring it on.

The Director's Cut - Shaun of the Dead on Twitter

Lost Liz. Got pissed with Ed. Pete pissed *at* Ed, nearly bit Ed's head off. Everyone a bit bitey. Took Liz to pub for shots. Now Ed's dead.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Shaun of the Dead on Twitter

Listening to The Specials - Ghost Town ♫ http://blip.fm/~8mcy0

Sitting @ pub munching hog lumps. @LittlePrincess seems to be upset for some reason. What does exacerbate mean?

@ShaunotD New A: Go to this URL http://bit.ly/2ClRM

In pub with @ShaunotD @TinyDi @4eyes. Again. #someonekillmenowplease

Email from Twitter to BarbaraMum:
Ed2seconds is now following you on Twitter!

Listening to The Blue Wrath - I Monster http://is.gd/1nviF

Vegetating @ ShaunotD's playing Timesplitters 2 #retrogames

Really pissed with @Ed2seconds. #andidontmeandrunk

d Ed2seconds Got nething? @Eball says u was holding.

d NoodleNoel No man, I've only got an 'enry meself. L8rs!

Listening to Kernkraft 400 - Zombie Nation ♫ http://blip.fm/~8rr8y

At work. @Ash off sick and made me fucking King of the Zombies

@ShaunotD You've got red on you.

RT @NoodleNoel: @ShaunotD You've got red on you.

@Shaunotd How are you doing?

@Yvonne Surviving.

Fuck. Forgot to book anniversary table @ theplacethatdoesallthefish. @LittlePrincess will go apeshit. #hellomynameismud

@ShaunotD Goodbye, Mud!

LittlePrincess has blocked ShaunotD

Listening to Chicago - If You Leave Me Now ♫ http://blip.fm/~9dq1i #shuffle

@ShaunotD Lets have @BloodyMary, bite @King's head x2@LittlePrincess stagger back & bang! Back @ bar 4 shots #Howsthatforasliceoffriedgold?

@ShaunotD Want more followers on twitter? Add more friends the easy way with twadder --> http://bit.ly/e75Ch

RT @BigAl: Dogs can't look up.

Singing Grandmaster Flash - White Lines ♫ http://blip.fm/~9a13a

Listening to Man Parrish - Hip Hop Be Bop (Don't Stop) ♫ http://blip.fm/~94nyk <- 2nd album I ever bought

@ShaunotD It's fucking Sunday and I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours because every other fucker (read more via Twitlonger)

@BigPete Fuck, yeah!

BigPete has blocked Ed2seconds

@Shaunotd Next time I C @BigPete he's dead. #twatcanttellhiphopfromelectro

My Daily Twittascope - The cycle of your life seems to be endlessly repeating itself. Set your sights high today. And you've got red on you.

Morning, tweeps! I could murder a Cornetto!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
BloodyMary is now following you on Twitter!

LOL @ShaunotD snogging @BloodyMary http://twitpic.com/9bgvm didn't take him long 2 get over @LittlePrincess!

I just wounded @BloodyMary in an assassination attempt. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

I just assassinated a one-armed bridegroom. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

The attackers can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain #notusingthezedword

@metpolice Help! Being attacked by really, er, strange people #notusingthezedword

Twitter Status: Problem with All Tweets feed

I just assassinated a checkout assistant. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

I just assassinated a random fat bloke. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

RT @King: RT @NoodleNoel: @ShaunotD You've got red on you.

@Ed2seconds I heart @LittlePrincess.

@ShaunotD Gay. #notthattheresanythingwrongwiththat

@Ed2seconds TakeCarGo2MumsKillPhilGrabLizGo2tehWinchesterHaveANiceColdPintAndWaitForAllOfThis2BlowOver #Howsthatforasliceoffriedgold?

@BigPete We're going to the pub. If you're feeling better later, you're ++welcome to join us.

Twitter has suspended @BigPete's account in response to unusual activity.

Just borrowed @BigPete's car. Oops, just ran over something...or someone. Meh.

RT Ed2seconds: RT @King: RT @NoodleNoel: @ShaunotD You've got red on you.

Seem to have pranged @BigPete's car. He's going to be pissed #andidontmeandrunk Oh, look! A Jag!

@ShaunotD Are we following you? #cluelessabouttwitter

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
TinyDi is now following you on Twitter!

d TinyDi I'm not going out there.

d 4eyes I don't want to be torn to pieces and if you think about it, neither do you.

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
LittlePrincess is now following you on Twitter!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
4eyes is now following you on Twitter!

@Niggaz 'sup?

Listening to Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster - Mister Mental http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrROZRbeap8

Goin for a spin in @King's Jag, feelin a bit dizzy LOL

Don't think @King was too happy having us in his car. Taking a shortcut now. Tweet later.

Twitter Status: There is a problem - don't panic

I just attempted to assassinate @DressingGownBloke, but failed. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

Trying to teach my tweeps to act like vegetables #easierthanyouthink

@ShaunotD Who died and made you fucking King of the Zombies?

d Ed2seconds You get nething yet?

d NoodleNoel I got nothing, I'm in the middle of something. It's weird.

@Ed2seconds Fuck fucking off! I've spent my entire life sticking up for you and all you ever do is fuck things up (read more via Twitlonger)

ShaunotD has blocked @Ed2seconds

Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Window - say hello to trashcan. #iamsocharltonheston

Trending Topics on Twitter - #twitterfail, #undead, #reanimated, #zombies, #brains, Michael Jackson, #followfriday

Going for a run. What did @FUCKME say?

#followfriday @ShaunotD tasty #brains

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
Wheelchairzombie is now following you on Twitter!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
Oldladyzombie is now following you on Twitter!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
Bikerzombie1 is now following you on Twitter!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
Bikerzombie2 is now following you on Twitter!

Email from Twitter to ShaunotD:
MichaelJacksonzombie is now following you on Twitter!

Was really pleased to have 200+ new followers till I found they were all robots #notusingthezedword

ShaunotD has unblocked Ed2seconds.

@ShaunotD Might be a bit warm, the cooler's off.

@Ed2seconds Thanks, babe!

RT @BertrandRussell: The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation. <- I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.

Listening to Queen - Don't Stop Me Now http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CJih1iYC0 #shuffle

I just attempted to assassinate @Queen, but failed. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

I just assassinated @Johnlandlord. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

@ShaunotD Why didn't you just shoot him, man?

@Ed2seconds for the last time, it's OMFG! #needcleanunderwear But dogs CAN look up!

I just assassinated @BarbaraMum. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

We just assassinated @4eyes. Om nom nom! #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

Listening to Average White Band - Pick Up the Pieces ♫ http://blip.fm/~9jf1q

#fuckadoodledoo @BigPete finally made it to the pub. He looks pissed. #andidontmeandrunk

@BigPete Don't groan at me, you thick fuck!

I just assassinated @BigPete. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

I just assassinated @CockacidalManiac. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

Going down on @ShaunotD

Oops WITH. Going down WITH @ShaunotD and @Ed2seconds. To the cellar #mindlikegirlonetrack

@Ed2seconds I love you, man!

@ShaunotD Gay! #someonekillmenowplease

Moving up in the world. Not coming back to this pub. #deadheadcentral #notusingthezedword

I just assassinated @ZombieTwins. #spymaster http://bit.ly/playspy from Spymaster

@ShaunotD @LittlePrincess How are you doing?

@Yvonne Surviving.

Listening to Queen - You're My Best Friend http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4vQwrHZWWk

Vegetating @ ShaunotD's playing Timesplitters 2 #retrogames

Thanks to Simon Pegg and Ed Wright for the film, Script-o-rama for the transcript and Madhattermommy for the idea.

Monday, 20 July 2009


So today I grabbed my camera and trotted off down to Cramond to get some photos to keep you from gnawing your own fingers off with boredom. Click any photo to enlarge.

It says here that Cramond was once the site of a Roman Fort. Who knew?

Yup. Here's some Roman ruins, so it must be true.

Legend has it that the Romans brought stinging nettles to Britain with them, so that they could flagellate themselves with them to keep warm. I kid you not.

Although why they didn't just whap themselves with our own native thistles beats me. Beats. Heh.

Any road up. Cramond. Popular for the boats and that.

Not to mention Cramond Island.

There's a causeway connecting Cramond Island to the mainland, but it's a good idea to check the tidal tables before venturing out.

Ah, well, maybe another time. Oh, look! A pretty boat!

I love watching the sun reflect off the water. Very relaxing.

Another boat. This one doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Still, it's quite pretty with the trees in the background and that.

Bye then, Cramond. Shlater!

I could totally get a job with the Scotch tourist board.