Farty's Fortunes

Saturday, 17 March 2007

It's Not Rocket Salad

WTF do we pay these people for?

On Thursday, I learned that a Science Teacher says farts can't be lit. Did you think that picture to the right - no, the other one, underneath the Shaggy Blog Stories - had been Photoshopped? Or that this was simply another Hollywood Myth like U-571?

FYI Mr/Ms Science Teacher, the active component of farts is methane, with a side order of hydrogen sulphide to make them smelly. When you ignite them in air, the reaction goes:
CH4 + 2.O2 => CO2 + 2.H2O

Mind, it's highly exothermic, so don't try this at home, kids!

And now I hear of a nurse who thinks tomatoes aren't acidic. If you're trying to find something to settle your stomach, then fruit such as plums (pH 2.9), strawberries (pH 3.4) and tomatoes (pH 4.0) are best avoided. Bad nursey.

While we're at it, strawberries are, botanically speaking, not berries. And hands up who thought tomatoes were a vegetable?

Next: Evolution vs. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.

13 comments:

margalit said...

Farts most certainly CAN be lit. I speak from experience here. You can make quite a flame shooter out of a good fart. Your photo might have been embellished, but I've seen farts lit many a time.

Michele sent me.

Yaeli said...

I'm the first farter today!
Thanks for setting us straight on all those counts! Of course farts can be lit! That's the best bit about them!!
Michele sent me.

Mr Farty said...

Margalit, Yaeli - Hello and welcome. Flame shooter, eh? I'll have to try that!

apositivepessimist said...

Dammit I knew there was something else I could have been doing with my spare farts left over from the great pruneathon. But maybe best that I don’t as I’m surrounded by highly inflammable trees and shit.

Now that nurse jest scares me.

Mr Farty said...

Apos - Still can't believe you scoffed all that dried fruit. Has your folks' dunny recovered yet?

Cat said...

I just had rocket salad, with tomatoes, for my lunch.

Drama Queen said...

How strange the teacher is. I have seen a fart being set on fire with my own eyes, not my own fart I have to add (everyone knows Queens DON'T fart). Anyway, talking about lighting farts in Science class? What is the education system coming to. . .

apositivepessimist said...

Yes...lucky there are two of them aye. Strangely enough, I am adding more prunes to my shopping list this week.

Mr Farty said...

Cat - Is that the diet or are you having trouble chewing on that tooth?

DQ - I think the SCIENCE TEACHER FFS could do with a refresher course. I've got a better story than that about Science class, thanks for jogging my memory.

Apos - I'll alert the media.

Mr Farty said...

DQ - And here it is: click here.

Nichola said...

I admire a man who knows his farts.

apositivepessimist said...

Tell 'em to bring their fat chequebooks eh.

Mr Farty said...

Nichola - my pleasure.

Apos - you always crack me up.