Speed-o-Blog

I seem to have accrued rather a lot of snippets, so I'll just rattle off my wit and wisdom. Shouldn't take long.

Firstly, there's the story of the six-foot Canadian. Insert Heather Mills joke here.

Q. What does "ironic" mean?
A. Wrong.

Stereogram photos. Remember those Magic Eye pictures where you had to cross or uncross your eyes to see a 3-D image, and give yourself a thumping headache in the process? You can get the same effect by placing similar photos side by side. More on this in a later post.

If there is no spoon, how am I supposed to eat this soup?

I for one welcome our new Dalek overlords. No, wait. That's not been broadcast yet. Remember, last chance to enter the Summer Caption Competition.

Someone has proven that any Rubik's Cube can be solved in 23 moves. Someone should get a life.

Still resisting the allure of Big Brother. From what I've overheard, I'm not missing much.

Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. They were veggies.

Two blondes in the Weeg (Glasgow) are looking up at the moon.
First blonde: "Which do ye think is further away, Embra or the moon?"
Second blonde: "Helloooooooo? Can you even see Embra?"

Oxymoron: Scientifically proven (scientists can only disprove hypotheses).

Finally, tomorrow is the summer solstice, the anniversary of a sad event in my life. This piece of music somehow seems appropriate:



How's my drivelling?

Adventures in the Canada - Addendum

Not strictly - or at all - our adventures this time, but I just had to share this.

At a party the other night, we mentioned where we'd been and S piped up, "Oh, we went to Vancouver in the Spring a couple of years ago! And Whistler - there was proper snow there and that. And Grouse Mountain¹."

Being good Scotchmen/women, they'd tagged onto a Merkan tour without paying and went to see some orphaned Grizzly Bears, Cari and Boo. Trouble was, despite wheedling and coaxing from the Merkans, the bears didn't feel like coming out of their cave for the cameras.

"Come on, Bubba!" yelled one hopeful fucktard, "come to Mama!"

Six-month-old Bubba stayed resolutely where he/she was.

"Christ, I'm starving," declared Mama eventually, taking a paper bag from her handbag and unwrapping a cake. Then a thought struck her. Quickly, before it could escape or die of lonliness, she snatched it from the air.

Waving the cake in front of the cave, she cooed, "Hey, Bubba, can you smell my muffin?"

Cue howls of laughter from the Scotch and blank looks from the rest of the Merkans.


¹ When we were there, we were told: "You haven't been to Canada until you've been up Grouse Mountain." So it turns out we haven't been to Canada after all. Fuck me, where have we been?

Adventures in the Canada - Best of the Rest

Adventures in the Canada - Illustrated

A Waterfall


Mall Train

Toffee Apples

Good Advice

Taxi!

Chocolate. Strawberries.

Sky Train. Science Centre ahead.

Yes, it says cannabis.

Outback.

Mountie.

Mmmm fudge.

For Spanish Goth.

If you take size 14 or more, then Intimate Apparel is not for you.

Ice Cream

Hummingbird

Chocolate Hedgehogs

Goats. On the roof.

Full Moon.

More fudge

Fudge Factory. 50 Flavours!

The Eagles. Not at Hotel California.

Drama Queen Drive.

What a way to go

Mmmm coo-kies!

Chip. And indeed, Dale.

Cat, tree. Tree, cat. Just like that!

Black Skwerl. Note the Evil Eyes.

Bear Paws.

Farty with a Bear Behind.