Robot, Fix Thyself!

According to JotZoom, material scientists at AkzoNobel have developed a self-mending plastic. This wondrous substance can repair damage to itself without the aid of glue, tape or any other stickum.

Supra B (catchy name, huh?) can be used in toys, spectacles, automobiles, computers or other devices. So if you sit on your specs, no need to buy a new pair, just hold the broken parts together and hey, presto! They're as good as new.

The boffins reckon Supra B would be ideal for putting scratch-proof coatings on laptops and that, but I can't help wondering if it couldn't be incorporated into a self-repairing robot. I bet nobody's ever thought of that before. Oh.

Well, what could possibly go wrong?

Computer Terms Illustrated #27

Electronic Male

Excel

Uninterruptable Power Supply

Kindle

Carrier

Twit Pic

Jagged Array

Bold

Listener

Deep Packet Inspection

I Couldn't Go To BlogHer '08 Because I Don't Have A Vagina

But based on eyewitness reports, transcripts, live blogging, some rather shaky video footage, hearsay, gossip, rumour and guesswork, I have finally managed to assemble fabricate the following docu-drama.

Bloggess vs Dooce


I am totally going to get sued for this.

Tickle Me Tuesday

Doesn't Tickle Me Tuesday come around fast? Anyway, some random stuff from the news caught my eye when I should have been working; see what you think.

Merkan fast-food outlet Dunking Doughnuts has been caught out promoting terrorism by using pictures of would-be suicide bomber [are you sure this is right? Ed] Rachael Ray in their ads. Whoever the feck she is. Personally, I find pictures of Ronald MacFeckingDonald much more offensive. FWIW.



Brad Jayakody was stopped by bouncers airport security at everyone's favourite airline terminal because he was carrying a gun. Er, a picture of a gun. On his t-shirt. "So what?", you may ask.



This particular picture of a gun was the arm of a Transformers robot, which, as any fule kno, can suddenly and without warning change its form from an innocuous car to a deadly fighting machine. Holy crap, Batman! This looks like an excuse to post a picture of Transformers star Megan Fox!



A "lost tribe" has been discovered in the Amazon. Well, not so much a tribe as the "special" lineup of I'm A Sleb, who the producers "forgot" to get out of there. So now you know why The Chuckle Brothers, Mark Lamarr, Pete Waterman, Jade Goody and Tatu have been off our screens for so long.



Toot toot!

Visions of the Future...from the Past

Robotic Cars

DIESEL engine idling, Alice peers left, right, then straight at me. With her headlights on in the hazy morning, the imposing grey Ford van emits a loud beep, warning the world she is about to set off with no one at the wheel.

According to New Scientist, 17 November 2007, cars like Alice are a glimpse of the future.

Alice was developed for the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) Urban Challenge, which aims to prove that cars will, one day, be able to navigate through a city autonamus automatous completely without human help.

"Robotic cars could become a feature of our cities, and maybe reduce road deaths too."

Reduce or increase? ¹

Prison overcrowding

One way to deal with prison overcrowding and the shortage of organs for transplant would be to, er, kill two birds with one stone. Take one prisoner from Death Row, match his blood and tissue types to a deserving, dying (or simply rich and overfed?) hospital patient. Snip, slice, stitch, and Robert is your mother's brother.

Surely nobody would be that ghoulish?

Oh. Right. Nobody except a major government. And if China's doing it now, can the rest of the world be far behind? ²

Non-Lethal Weapons

TASER International, Inc. has recently unveiled the eXtended Range Electronic Projectile (XREP^(tm)), which "incorporates wireless Neuro Muscular Incapacitation (NMI) technology and is designed to be launched from a 12-gauge shotgun".³

Armed Robots

A company called...wait for it...IRobot, has announced a robot warrior called Sword. Don't worry, though. "The military insists it is not unleashing a mindless killing machine. A soldier must press the fire button."

And, as we all know, a soldier isn't a mindless killing machine. ⁴

Where will it all end? Or indeed, where did it all begin?

¹Into The Shop, Ron Goulart, 1964.
²The Jigsaw Man, Larry Niven, 1967.
³Not quite 1960s Star Trek style phasers, but getting there.
⁴Talos, 300BC.

Winter Draws On

The nights, as they say, are fair drawing in, and Scotchmen and Scotchwomen across, er, Scotchland have taken to wandering around with their heads tilted back and mouths hanging eagerly open. Aye, there's a nip in the air...


In the run-up to Halloween, police have been warning ordinary folks that "young people" are evil monsters and will be arrested if found in possession of flour or eggs. "We do not want to be seen as killjoys", said a killjoy yesterday, "but would you like it if some young-un were to bake you a sponge cake? Why, the chloresterol could kill you in twenty or thirty years!"


If they can avoid getting arrested while they're at the shops getting kitted up for trickle-treating, the kids will of course be buying the usual bag of nuts - "and no' too many coconuts!" I still love that one.

Good news for nerds this week. Apparently, boffins have declared that love and sex with robots are inevitable. Given the choice, which of these would you rather have?

Happy Halloween!