Queen Faces Sacking

The Queen was last night facing calls for her abdication after referring to a Labour politician as a "dreadful little oik" on her Facebook page.

Off With His Head

Her Majesty is believed to have called for the summary execution of Peter White, Labour candidate for Havering council, after a brief show trial for treason against the Crown.

"One cannot have these dreadful little oiks running around calling one a German parasite," said The Queen, 83. "Throw him in the Tower and make an example of him. Let's have him hung, drawn and quartered, like that Guy Fawkes chap, then hold a public holiday to celebrate the event. That would cheer one up immensely."

All Sound and Fury

Mr C. Windsor, a resident of Clarence House, London, described Her Majesty's attitude as "totally unacceptable", insisting that "Mumsy, er, that is The Queen, should stand down and let me, er, someone more in touch with one's subjects, take his rightful place on the throne. And Camilla agrees."

The Oldest Face in Scotchland

Scienticians recently unearthed what is described as The Oldest Face in Scotchland.

The 5000-year-old stone carving was found in Orkney, which is that bunch of islands up at the top of Scotchland. Somebody must have had really sharp eyes to spot it: it's fooking tiny.

It went on display in Embra Castle and loads of people paid a fortune to come and see it. They could have saved themselves the trouble - you can see Ming Campbell at his Fife constituency any time you like (except when he's fiddling his expenses in London). He's richt auld. Heh.

Oldest Face

Ming Campbell

Anyway, it's gone on tour with Rod Stewart or something. More details here.

Scunnered

Ming The Jobless