Farty's Fortunes

Saturday, 23 February 2008

Merkan-English Dictionary #8

Crikey! It's been a while since I wrote anything for this, innit?

Two themes this time: words that sound the same but are spelt differently and words that sond different but are spelt the same. Depending on whether you're British or Foreign. (Note: British people are never foreign, even when they're abroad. Conversely, abroad is full of foreigners.)

Firstly, Merkans hate the combination of the vowels "o" and "u". Hence their insistence on writing words like "color" or "neighbor" instead of the correct form: "colour" and "neighbour". Maybe they're just lazy? Anyway, it's now got to the stage that predictive texting on my British-boght moby tries to deliberately mis-spell words for me. Grr!

Secondly, there's "centre" versus "center". Do Merkans hate ending a word on a vowel or what?

And what's the story on "z"? The last letter in the alphabet is obviously pronounced "Zed". Just ask Zed. This "Zee" nonsense should just stop.

Or neighbors have a car the same color as their hose. They've just gone on holiday to New Zedland in the Sothern Hemisfear and left their Afghan Hond at or place. We'd like to walk her in Centeral Park, but it's too rogh. So we stay at home and listen to Zed Zed Top and that.

My brain hurts now. I'm oph phour a lye doune.


apositivepessimist said...

Haha Farts,I feel like I’m a walking thesaurus at times.

I do feel like I’m educating a lot of them, I’ve gotten used to using both terms, sometimes I don‘t even wait for the blank look to cross their eyes…pass the tomato sauce/ketchup…ooh that shitty nappy/diaper made me eyes water.

I still need to work on the date thing.

zoe said...

Playing Scrabulous with the Merkan dictionary doesn't make sense at all and I keep getting mixed up with whether or not I'm wearing pants. It's all very complicated.

Z said...

I'm pronounced Zed too.

It puzzles me that, while we know what Americans mean, they don't understand us. I've referred to courgettes and been asked for a translation.

Slutty McWhore said...

Unfortunately I've started to say "zee" when I mean "zed". Slowly but surely, I'm starting to be Americanized. Eeek. Sometimes there's no way to avoid it because Americans don't understand Scottish vowel sounds. I gave up saying "bin" a long ago.

Sewmouse said...

Well, you see, we need to save up all the U's to use instead of "You" in text messages, because the YO's are being used instead of Hello!

Or something.

Mr Farty said...

Apos - There are Merkans who still think a thesaurus is an extinct dinosaur, you've got a lot of educating to do.

What did Little Fat Bastid say when you told him you loved wearing thongs?

The date thing: Just don't mention the events of November 9th.

Zoe - Just thinking about whether you're wearing pants or not...mmm...

Z - Material for another chapter, methinks.

Slutty - Ah ken jist whit ye mean, an that.

Sew - kthxbai

Laurie said...

I've been here since I was two, and I still get blank looks occasionally. I'll say something like, "What a load of codswallop" get a confused or startled look and say, "that's not an American phrase, is it?" My English phrases are probably all 40 years out of date, though.

Mr Farty said...

Laurie - Can't say I've ever been walloped by a cod...

Marie said...

Either I was British in a past life or I read too much British lierature, because I always put in the u's and e's and such until my spell-checker tells me otherwise.

Mr Farty said...

Marie - Lierature? I think your spell-chequer needs an upgrade.