Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 21 February 2008

The Next Survivor Series...

The following article arrived 'as is' in my mailbox. From a woman. Who uses that crazy kind of markup? I mean apart from Bossy?

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

Apparently Survivor is some kind of reality TV series based on the popular song by Beyoncé and that.


Marie said...

I love it! My husband wouldn't last a day. I asked him to put the kids to bed last night. They are two and four, you can't exactly just shove them off and say good night. I just lay there with a pillow over my head as he sat in front of the computer, yelling to the kids every few minutes, "I said to get your jammies!" "Max, did you get your jammies?" "Max, help Jessamine get her jammies!" "No, those aren't jammies, that's a swimsuit. Get your JAMMIES!" Kids finally got into bed around ten.

Jacki said...

LOL....that totally sums it up! No wonder I go to bed so tired each night. I am dizzy just reading about it. And I only have one kid.

If it makes you feel better, here are some pics my dad and husband took of the eclipse...


Misssy M said...

Tis no big deal but I thought I'd let you know that you've been honored on my blog as "Misssives Comment of the Week".

And in line with the regulations on competitions as messed up by Richard and Judy there is no prize, just good vibes.

Mr H said...

So let me get this right.

You want me to hack my nadgers off with a rusty chainsaw, wear a dress, and bleat about my hormones instead of;

Talking About Football
And Leching

You, Sir, Are A Woman!

And if my say so, your breasts look luvverly today.

Gods Hat My Ipod

Mr Farty said...

Marie - No, sorry, what's wrong with that? :-p

Jacki - Oooo, pretty!

This is my fave eclipse video: Full Moon-Half Moon-Total Eclipse!

Misssy - I'll be right over!

Mr H - *blushes*

rob said...

Hang on a minute, I've got a kid, and it's a piece of piss. We spend most of our free time (you forget, the government kindly locks them up 5 days a week)watching comedy box-sets and wildly inappropriate horror movies. She's fucking ace. Birthdays? Friends? Relatives? It just doesn't work like that. Don't be silly...