Farty's Fortunes

Monday, 26 March 2007

Three In A Bed

Tagged by Kissme. I've never been kissed tagged before, so I'm quite nervous. Not. I saw one tag last week that ran to 150 items, feck that. But this is quite short. Except that I'm making it unnecessarily longer by yammering on about it.

Three Things That Scare Me:

  1. Ghosts.
  2. George W Bush.
  3. Bungee Jumping.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
  1. Phil Kay.
  2. George W Bush.
  3. Non-Working Monkey.

Three Things I Love:
  1. Farting.
  2. Mrs Farty.
  3. Choclit.

Three Things I Hate:
  1. Them green things, wossname? Vegetables.
  2. George W Bush.
  3. ICBMs.

Three Things I Don't Understand:
  1. The Inflationary Theory Of Cosmology.
  2. QED.
  3. Women.

Three Things On My Desk:
  1. Cuppa tea.
  2. Shortbread crumbs.
  3. Speakers.

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now:
  1. Writing this fecking post.
  2. Listening to The Beautiful Corrs.
  3. Farting.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
  1. Swim with dolphins. I've watched them surf. Wow!
  2. Dance on George W Bush's grave. Or Margaret Thatcher's.
  3. Discover the secret of immortality.

Three Things I Can Do:
  1. Can you guess?
  2. Play Go. Badly.
  3. Make people laugh. Knickers!

Three Things I Can't Do:
  1. Stop farting.
  2. Learn To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb.
  3. Put up with intolerance.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
  1. Music. Any music except rap.
  2. Your heart.
  3. Me farting. Ahhhh!

Three Things I'd Like To Learn:
  1. To fart The Flight Of The Bumblebee.
  2. SCUBA diving. See dolphins above.
  3. HTML, so I can pimp my blog. Getting there.

Three Favourite Foods:
  1. Banoffee Pie.
  2. Choclit.
  3. Pasta.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
  1. Captain Pugwash. Arrrggghh!
  2. Dr Who. William Hartnell was my favourite right up until David Tennant arrived.
  3. That one with the two numpties with the idiotic expressions, the jerky, drunkard's walk and the unintelligible flob-a-dob speech, flanking the pretty-but-shy one in the middle. No, this one.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
  1. Rap music.
  2. George W Bush.
  3. People who tell you it can't be done.

Three Wonderful People To Inflict My Meme On:
  1. Non-Working Monkey.
  2. Apos-itivepessimist.
  3. Cheerful One.

Aye Thang Yew.


BOSSY said...

Great lists. But what's that smell?

Timbo said...

Exactly how many times do you fart in an average day? Or is it more like one continuous fart?

SpanishGoth said...

So that hole in the ozone layer was/is your fault then?

As for Scuba - wouldn't you have to have a special suit designed with a rear propulsion vent? Bagsee credit on the patent....

MKWM said...

Now I understand why it must be "Better Oot Than In"... for the fresh air, that is.

What I don't understand about the Banoffe Pie is why the tin of condensed milk has to simmer 3 to 4 hours. Wouldn't 3 to 4 minutes be enough?

Mr Farty said...

Bossy - Sorry. I'll get the charcoal cushion.

Timbo - About twenty on a good day. And Mrs Farty says I also fart when asleep.

Goth - What hole? *whistles nonchalantly*
Fart-propelled Scuba gear? Bloody brilliant!

MKWM - Hello and no. It goes in as off-white, slightly runny and sweet milk (shut up Timbo, perv!) and comes out several hours later as brown, thick, gooey and even sweeter toffee. At the risk of sounding condescending, it's called cooking. 3-4 minutes would be warming up a bit.

And for FSM's sake, don't open it when hot, it sprays all over the kitchen curtains. If you're lucky. Teenage Daughter was lucky.

kissme said...

My goodness, you have a sweet tooth.

I can't stomach Banoffee Pie, even the smell makes me queasy.

Vegetables are good, but only if they're green. Therefore Sprouts=Great, Carrots= Bloody Disgusting.

Mr. X said...

We are aghast to see that you list 3 foods that don't make you fart. Where are the baked beans, man?

Although rear belching essence of banoffee would be quite impressive, it has to be said.

Wicked Storm said...

HTML for Dummies, great book! It has everything in there like a cook book with recipes on color, sound, graphs, music, photos, whatever you want to do, even fart noises!

Mr Farty said...

Kissme (God, I LOVE that name!) - Sprouts=Snotballs at Farty Towels. Carrots I like.

Mr. X - Oh, you're new in these parts. Hello.

Yep, it's all about the aroma.

Wicked Storm - Is that your Indian Name? Somewhat more impressive than Agnes (my Mom).

Fart noises on my blog? Really? I'm tempted...think I heard some samples over at Non-Working Monkey.