Farty's Fortunes

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

Merkan-English Dictionary #2

Many years ago, when I was even younger than I am now, I heard that Dustin Hoffman

Dustin Hoffman

wore elevators. This, I thought, was a trifle odd, since surely elevators are those hulking great monstrosities that have helped to make the Merkan Midwest the breadbasket of the US of A.


Or sterile monoculture, depending on your point of view.

But then I remembered that Merkans refer to our own humble lifts

A Lift Yesterday

as elevators, and that Dustin's odd clothing items were also known as lifts, and all became clear. Er, not. Still couldn't quite picture which part of your body you might adorn with a box that goes up and down. Mind you, people do wear the oddest things on the oddest parts of their anatomy.
Ear WarmersFinally, a kindly soul explained that they're what short, self-important people wear inside their shoes to make them appear taller than they really are.
Monkey Boy
The twats.


BOSSY said...

Dustin is little, for sure. Not that size matters. And Bossy doesn't mind the height difference, but there's something creepy about little man feet. And you know - Bossy and Dustin probably shared the same shoe size when Bossy was nine.

lettuce said...

Hello Mr. Farty. You are very funny. But farts are generally considered funny in my house.

(though my 12-year-old LG says her science teacher says they CAN'T be lit. So there)

I WANT those little sock earrings!

Drama Queen said...

Sock earrings. They look like they are made for Tom Cruise. Don't you want to just pat him on the head?

Mr Farty said...

Bossy - To be fair, Dustin is small but perfectly formed.

Lettuce - Hello and welcome. Oh, *very* funny, eh? You can come back.

LG's science teacher doesn't know everything about lighting farts.

DQ - No. OTOH, Little Mark Owen...

Rach said...


Cat said...

I'd love some of those - I hate wearing heels but would very much like to be taller...

Timbo said...

Dustin Hoffman is SO NICE.

Mr Farty said...

Rach - Hello and thank you.

Cat - I think they are heels, only on the inside.

Timbo - He was very VERY nice on Graham Norton a couple of years back. Probably because he no longer has to put up with
the discomfort of cramming immense farm buildings inside his shoes.

SpanishGoth said...

I thought his 'elevators' looked very nice in Tootsie. Need some bastard of a red nose to cover that conk though ;-)