Farty's Fortunes

Sunday, 13 July 2008

A Brief History Of Scotchland - Part 4

Despite my best efforts, there still appears to be some confusion across the Pond regarding the politico-geographical location of Scotchland in relation to Engerland.

Technically, Scotchland is part of Engerland, in the same way that Japan is part of China, New Zealand is part of Australia and the US of A is part of Canadia. In other words, it ain't. See the map in Part 1.

"So how come you have the same Queen?" I hear you ask. "And how come you almost speak the same language?" And most importantly, "Why do you intersperse every other sentence with an unintelligible exclamation such as Jings, Crivvens or Help Ma Boab?"1

King James I as a babyIt's quite simple, really. Engerland ran out of kings and queens (Liz I died just after 4pm with no heir), so we lent them one of ours - James VI, who came to the throne at the tender age of one - and the English never returned him. He spoke Scotch at the time, of course, and quickly taught it to his new subjects in place of that Latin they'd picked up from their Roman masters (that French bloke doesn't count), but they adapted it to suit themselves, dropping H's, adding E's and inserting their own sweary words, and called it Olde Englishe. Oh, and they called him James I, as if the first five didn't count.

Hey, just think! When Scotchland regains her independence, we'll get our monarch back! Any chance of skipping Chuck and Horseface and going straight to Billy the Kid?

1 I could tell you the answer, but then I'd have to kill you. The noo.


#Debi said...

So, are you starting up a revolution? Will we all have to rally 'round with our kilts raised, shouting, "A Farty! A Farty!"?

Jacki said...

Oh yes, I do remember living over there and getting corrected many times by the Scots that Scotland and England are notthe same country.

john.g. said...

Scotchland is a beautiful country in terms of scenery. The people are as a whole very pleasant, I just wish the English didn't fucking pay for it all!

Mr Farty said...

#Debi - Just don't strike a match!

Jacki - I know someone who's received mail addressed to:


John - That reminds me: when are we getting our oil back? Grr!

Ché l'Ecossais said...

Mmm, I dunno, that whole "getting crowned sitting on some fake stone" casts some doubt on the legitimacy of Elisabeth I as queen of Scotland.

And don't get me started on that Greek pillock.

@ John.G - Scotlands contribution to Englands economy includes Tony Blair, Gordon Brown AND the Krankies, so hey, we pay our way by furnishing you in comedians.

Mr Farty said...

Ché - How very dare you suggest that the Krankies are comedians!

And welcome. Trying to figure how you got here, I'm already familiar with almost everyone on your blogroll. Goth's award?