Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Lies, Damned Lies and Wetherspoons

hardcoreI wonder why I get so many visits from perverts? It's not as if I'm forever banging on about pounding, drilling, asian babes, hardcore and that.

Drilling Asian babes


It's like you can't believe anything you read on the intertubes anymore. Why, just today as our bus circled the Lizzie Brice roundabout in Livingston, I wondered WTF is/was Lizzie Brice? So I googled her and found that she was burned at the stake as the last witch in Scotchland. She died of old age in 1865 aged 89, so there wouldn't have been much to burn.

Oh, but hang on. The last witch in Scotland was burned at the stake in 1722. Or possibly in 1657. Or in 1727. Or what about Helen Duncan, who was convicted of witchcraft in 1944? That's the thing about witches, they won't stay dead.

The reason we were in Livingston was to visit our Eldest Grandson. Had a nice meal, went for a wander round the shops. Nipped into Wetherspoons to get a cup of tea, a capperchi capuch another cup of tea and a Coke. Well, I went inside while Mrs F sat outside with EG. "Is one of your party under 18?" asked the snooty barman.

"Er, yes, but what's that got to do with it? I'm not buying alcohol after all."

"Doesn't matter, the law says that because these are licensed premises, if one of you is under 18 then I can only serve you if you're buying at least one meal."

Aye, right. So we went next door to the licensed Chicago Rock Cafe, with EG in tow, walked up to the bar and bought our drinks with no trouble whatsoever.

Funny, that.

Stay tuned for Farty's Friday Chart, coming your way in just over half an hour. I'm off to watch Charlotte Church.

Toot toot!


Memarie Lane said...

I had to buy some beer yesterday to cook bratwursts. Very embarrassing buying beer when you're hugely pregnant, everyone giving nasty looks. To make matters worse, after ringing up all my other stuff, the cashier set my extra large can of Foster's prominently in front of me and announced loudly that he couldn't sell it to me because he wasn't 21 yet. So then I had to sit there and wait ten minutes for him to find a 21 year old cashier, while the line grew behind me, everyone staring at the pregnant woman with the huge beer holding up the line.

Mr H said...

Perhaps the preverts are attracted by the large number of Revolting Cocks lying about the place.

Jacki said...

I think you'll find this story funny...


Mr Farty said...

Marie - He couldn't sell you beer because he was too young? Yeah, that totally makes sense. Over here we get our Buckfast from 12-year-olds.

Mr H - You may be right. It would be nice if they could at least spell "pervert" properly, sigh.

Jacki - Jeeze, Louise! It's only frickin' coffee!
But my point was that this wasn't "company policy", it was "the law".
So either Wetherspoons were lying or Chicago Rock were breaking the law.
And I know which I'd sooner believe.