Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

Merkan-English Dictionary #14

Hancock: 1. Popular British comedian in the 1950s and 1960s.
2. Popular British actress1 in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, etc. Still going strong.
3. Merkan for signature. Example: "I woke up in hospital and the nurse asked me to put my Hancock on a form." Something to do with Independence Day (not the film).

Bark dust: What Merkan dogs do on a very dry, dusty day. Especially if they've been chasing rabbits through piles of woodchips.

Teeter totter: A Merkan see-saw. Maybe when Dr Webster was compiling his dictionary he thought see-saw was too easy?

Boot: 1. What goes on your foot, and part-way up your leg, over your sock.
2. What you do to a pooter when it won't go. Sometimes with three fingers, sometimes with your boot (see 1).
3. In Britain, the bit on a car where you put the luggage if you don't want it to get wet.

Trunk: 1. In Britain - and by extension in India and Africa, which are really British - the front bit of an elephant.
2. In Merka, a car boot. No, wait. Merkans call a clamp a car boot. Now my head hurts.

Monkey wrench: A Merkan adjustable spanner. Nothing to do with monkeys at all, apparently, sigh. And definitely not to be confused with a Trunk Monkey:

1 Merkans don't have actresses, just actors. This is why, when they need someone to perform the part of a woman, they get a man to dress up. See Tootsie (Dustin Hoffman), Mrs Doubtfire (Robin Williams) or Sleepless in Seattle (Rosie O'Donnell).


SpanishGoth said...

Oooo yuse Scutz twat - can you noo accept the fact that Merkans cannae fart? It's why this all fat bastids

"On the jolly bright side, Mr CIA - I have no knowledge of his spontaneous bottom releases"

*I have no oil - don't invade me*

Sewmouse said...

I want a trunk monkey!!!!

What happened to "Trunk: A large rectangular piece of luggage used on long sailing voyages"?

Teeter-Totter is just our way of getting back at you UK'ers for calling a "Slide" a "Helter Skelter" and starting that whole Manson thing...

Memarie Lane said...

I've always said teeter-totter, but have heard seesaw from the majority. I prefer teeter-totter.

Jozet at Halushki said...

"Seesaw, Marjorie Daw!
Nobody wants to play with me!
If they do
I'll take my shoe
And beat them till they're
Black and blue!"

~ Popular Merkan Children's Song

#Debi said...

I personally always called a seesaw just that, but a teeter-totter was, for us, a different thing, attached to the swing set, as in the photo here. The teeter-totter was the thing on the right side of the set in the photo...

Also, I too want a trunk monkey...

Mr Farty said...

S - That war was never about oil. *cough liar!*

Sew (and #Debi) - Would you settle for a Dalek? Finally wrapped and posted, little buggers kept trying to exterminate me. Oh. btw, they may shrink in transit.

I thought helter-skelter was one of yours. You live and learn.

You've completely lost me with the Manson thing. Charles? Shirley?

Marie - See below.

J@H - No wonder kids grow up warped and twisted.

#Debi - Yeah, that is a teeter-totter. I put one of those together for my youngest grandson in South Africa. *sniff* Three years ago.

Sewmouse said...

Charles Manson, Farty, Dear.

The whole "Helter Skelter" thing was from some Beatles song on the "white album" I think...

Mr Farty said...

Sew - Ah, yes, I remember him from the Magnificent Seven. *cough*