Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 1 June 2007

Adventures In The Canada Part 5

Where did I get to? Oh, yes, staying in a "static caravan", as LMF calls it. Well, it's definitely static, and I'm assured it can be hitched to a truck and towed off, so yep, that's what it must be. A static caravan. With two bedrooms, a kitchen larger than ours, wide-screen tv, bath, shower, broadband internet in the computer room, separate living room and dining room, porch, the only thing it's missing is the flashing blue light on top and Billie Piper.

Cousin P took the truck and drove us over to Vancouver Island on Tuesday. Hang on, does not compute. Drove us to the ferry terminal. There was a bit of a queue, so we looked in the shop. Holy cow, even more fudge! This time I resisted buying any, or rather my arteries warned me to "step away from the counter and nobody gets hurt".

The sea was calm as a millpond on the way over, although a breeze picked up and kept us from cooking. Lovely view of the tree-covered smaller islands, with snow-capped mountains in the background. Apparently Pamela Anderson was born on the main island, and is planning to open a marina here. Good luck Pammy, you should do well.

Coming off the ferry, P spotted a logging truck and yelled, "That's my son's truck!" We pulled alongside and gave a wave, then we both pulled in to the side and stopped for a natter. Vancouver Island is huge, look it up, what are the chances of running into your son there by chance? Even though he does live there? P was so pleased.

We stopped at Victoria for lunch and a spot of shopping, then headed up to Duncan in the middle of nowhere. P's semi-cousin made us welcome and showed us around her two-storey log cabin, where we watched the humming-birds feed before settling down for the night.

In the morning I topped up the feeder with sugar/water, fighting off the humming-birds while I hung it up. They're not shy around here, I tells ya. Then over to Chamainus where we saw a cat up a tree cougar carved into a tree. And some murals painted onto the sides of the buildings depicting the place's history. And wow, chocolate hedgehogs!

Next stop, Coombs, where we dined to the sound of goats walking on the roof. As you do. Oh, and they had chocolate and fudge and that as well, no wonder heart disease is the biggest killer in the western world. Probly. And a selection of incense sticks, including cannabis, wtf? I think it was round aboot here that I took a picture of Mrs Farty with a bear behind. So to speak.

Finally, up to Tofino. Why's it called that? "'T if I know!" Wandered around again, although it's a bit hilly, and no fecking restaurant would just serve us coffee, they all wanted to give us the full meal. Saw some nice-looking birds. No, eagles as it happens. And more amazing views. Canada is just wall-to-wall scenery.

Oops, it's a six-hour drive back to Duncan. And it's 7pm. Stopped at Long Beach on the way back down anyway, so that Aunty B could dip her toes in the Pacific Ocean. Stayed for an hour, since Greenpeace kept dragging her back into the water. J took over the driving, as a British driving licence gives you authority to drive anywhere in the world. Allegedly. Out of deference to local customs, he drove the whole way on the wrong side of the road, i.e. the right side of the road. Made the six-hour trip in five hours. Oh, and we saw two (separate) black bears by the roadside, but for some reason they ran off when Aunty B shouted "Oh, look! Bears!"

Next: Farty does Merka.


john.g. said...

Great blog Farty, sounds like you're having fun. Have Greenpeace released their captive yet? Poop, poop!

Liz said...

I'm envious - we didn't make it to Vancouver Island when I visited Canada last year. Another excuse to go back one day!

"Canada is just wall-to-wall scenery." Yep, I'd agree with that.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

Cat said...

Lions and tigers and bears? Oh my!

lettuce said...

wot? no billy piper?

i'm sorry, choc hedehogs are no substitute.

BOSSY said...

Bossy can tell you're not gay because you've made nearly no mention of the Interior Design of your Static Caravan. And Bossy craves details.

Virginia Lee said...

Dear Mr. Farty--

As a Merkan, I look forward to reading your impressions of our far western bits. Please understand that those bits are, erm, rather different than the rest of the country.

Safe travels!


A Southerner

SpanishGoth said...

Could have been worse - could have been "OOOO look, bare arses"

glad you're having a good time

Brom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brom said...

Isn't that when you look in the rear view mirror and notice that you have a bear behind. (Which, of course, may appear to be closer than it really is)

Too many typos in first attempt. (Staying in at playtime)

Mr Farty said...

John - She's still providing great entertainment! True example:
Hey Farty, where did you get that baseball cap?
What, this one with "Hell's Gate" emblazoned on it?
Yes, that one.
I bought it at Hell's Gate.
You bought it at Hell's Gate?
Yes, I bought it at Hell's Gate.
Only I thought you might have bought it here in this [US] mall.

Trigger has competition.

Liz - Vancouver Island is the closest thing to Flying Spaghetti Monster Heaven.

Cat - Lions and Tigers? In the Canada? Surely you're thinking of Kenya?

Letty - Some of those chocs were laced with licker. mmmmmm!

Bossy - Details? Let's see -
Scary clowns in a glass cabinet.
A ceramic teapot in the shape of a cat holding a teapot.
A set of antlers titled "no more small ones".
A grandmother clock stopped at 9:45.
It's all so beautiful it makes me cry.

Ginny - May I call you Ginny? - have we met? I spent seven weeks in Rawlay NC back in '76 and vaguely remember visiting Research Triangle Park. That was where THIS exchange took place. Not everyone in NC was brain-dead, though.

Come back y'all!

S - I took a photo stateside, especially for you. Will post it next week.

Brom - Oh, so you can delete your own comments? Had I but known before I made an arse of Daphne's comments box! So to speak.

Parp, parp!

DJ Kirkby said...

I grew up on Vancouver Island, my dad calls it 'Lotus land'! Did you get to Quadra Island?

Mr Farty said...

DJ - Never made it further north than Port Alberni/Tofino, maybe next time. I think there may well be a next time.