Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

Farty Does Merka - unabridged version

Previous post too brief for you? They do say less is more.

Ok, so cousin K offered to take us camping in the USA. Now, to me the word "camping" brings connotations of trying to erect a canvas tent in a force 9 gale, waking up halfway through the night to find your groundsheet isn't quite as waterproof as you'd hoped and having the shit scared out of you by scratching noises and grunts, which later turn out to be your companions going for a midnight dump.

This was...different. Different as in: taking two trucks and a camper across the border (don't get me started about the border1) to a 390-berth "campsite" with plumbed-in leccy, water, gas, sewage and optional cable telly. We opted out of telly. That meant we had to make our own entertainment, of course. So on the first night, we sat around the campfire with a guitar and a songsheet, which we read by the light of the moon, singing old-time favourites like "House of the Rising Sun", "American Pie" and that.

On the second morning, K and I took Muttley for a walk past the tennis courts, into the National Park, along the shoreline and back into camp, then went for a swim in the adult swimming pool, away from the noise of the family pool and the smell of the toddlers' pool, the heat of the sauna and the effort of the gym. In the afternoon we played soccer with the kids. Erm, ok, Mrs Farty played, while I took pictures and laughed.

We nipped into the shops - make that mall. "My god, it's full of stores!" Picked up some tat to take back for the folks and stayed for lunch. Very nice Chinese meal, but also a selection of Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, German and yes, MacDonalds. Which, with a name like that, must be Scotch, obv. Would have stayed for Shrek 3, but Mrs F wanted to get the Apple Pie and Key Lime Pie back to "camp" to sample them. Trust me, Key Lime Pie is ace. Saw something to make Spanish Goth smile. Patience, S.

Switched on the moby in the US - got a very weak signal and a text from Favourite Niece. Can Aunty B phone home? Er, no, cos
a) the moby signal keeps breaking up
b) can't see any public phones and
c) have you seen the cost of international moby calls?
She did call when we got back to the Canada - Aunty B is now great-grandma B! Yay! The baby's been named after his mum's dad. Now who the feck calls their baby "Grandad"?

1 Ok, about the border. The Canadians in our group were allowed straight through, but the Brits had to be processed, on account of 1776. I mean 9/11. Whatever. So we had to be fingerprinted and photographed, and pay six US bucks each for the privilege. Non-returnable. Apparently this is to fund The War Against Terror ©Mr Angry. Going back into the Canada, how did the Mounties or whatever receive us? "Welcome back, eh?"


Sewmouse said...

Ah, yes, the joys of a post 9/11/01 Merka being run by the King of Terrah hisself, King George I. Sorry about that.

I, on the other hand, should I choose to visit The Canada again, will need to spend US$150 or so to get a passport in order to get back home, as I've never needed one previously.

This obviously because blonde-gray old ladies from small towns in Illinois ARE a demographic for Terrahists... I'm sure - at least they make me take my thin-sole flat "ballet flats" shoes off at the airport, so I guess I'm in an exclusive Terrahist type club.

Key Lime pie really is nice.

Cat said...

Camping? Meh. Key lime pie? Yes, please.

BOSSY said...

Bossy apologizes for her country. Happens so often she's become quite good at it.

SpanishGoth said...

But did you smuggle some bears over the border? Fuck terrorists, I want to know about the bears ;-)

(Slightly curious about what will make me laugh but as I have not seen any reports about Bush being harpooned by rogue Japanese whalers....)

Mr Farty said...

Sew - Grr, as they say.

Cat - I prefer Merkan camping to the Scotch variety. Have a look at this though.
Merkan Wilderness
No, I don't know why it's repeated.

Bossy - Not all Merkans are fucktards...but ain't it funny that all fucktards are Merkan?
(adapted from Roy "Chubby" Brown's comments on Terrahists/Moozlums)

S - How the fuck did you know aboot the bear smuggling? Even the border guards missed those.

I didn't say laugh, just smile...

*fades enigmatically into the shadows*

Liz said...

I take it you have discovered the mega cheap phone cards for calling home from The Canada? I paid a mere five dollars for mine, telephoned The Dad three times and The Brother once and still came home with about 20 mins of calling credit left.

I'm glad to see that you are liking The Canada as much as I did, eh.

Mr Farty said...

Liz - Meh. Just used P's land line, it's not half as expensive as thieving cell networks.