Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

New Balls, Please!

Did you see the evening news today? Thousands of homes flooded in Sheffield. How awful - living in Sheffield! I could write for Graham Norton, it's a piece of piss.

Yes, it's that time of year again, when the heavens open up and Wimbledon gets rained off. Which reminds me of this apocryphal tale from last year...oh, how I wish it were true...

* wavy lines etc. *

The Hoff arrives at Centre Court without a ticket and tries to blag his way in with the tried-and-tested "Do You Know Who I Am?" ploy.

PA system bursts into life. "Can any of the guests please identify a gentleman at the gate? He appears to have forgotten his name. Tall, mid-fifties, black shirt, shades, full of himself, bit of a tosser."

I love tennis, me. I could sit and watch it all day.

A Lady Farting

I think she's followed through.

10 comments:

SpanishGoth said...

Think you'll find that's an orgasm Mr Farty....

Manuel said...

Tennis eh? What a racket....

[why do i do this? why do i come on here with these very bad puns? I'm sorry]

The Good Woman said...

Brilliant! Nothing like a bit of Hoff-bashing in the morning!

lady macleod said...

Terrible about Sheffield.

I am missing Wimbledon this year; I think I really quite missing bitching about the rain. sigh

Sewmouse said...

David Hasslehoff still lives?

I thought he got smothered to death by Pammie's ... Mammies.

john.g. said...

I think that's a fart (no brown stuff)!

Drama Queen said...

damn goth beat me too it. . .as usual ;-)

Mr Farty said...

Goth - Ladies are supposed to come first.

Manuel - Ouch!

My Good Woman - Is that a figure of speech?

Lady M - It's what we British do best, innit? Bitching about the rain, not Wimbledon.

Sew - What planet have you been on? He's still live and boozing.

Pammie's Mammies. I like it.

John - I hope you're right.

DQ - Shame for you. See my response to Goth.

Mr. X said...

That's got to be a candidate for the "Done a Poo" blog...

Mr Farty said...

Mr X - Where's that been all my life? ThankyouThankyouThankyou!