Mr Farty's Kitchen Tips

Mrs Farty does most of the cooking in our house. Here are a few tips on how to avoid getting landed with it.

Always remember to put water in the pressure cooker before closing the lid.

In fact, since destroying one pressure cooker and having to clean another one - twice - with steel wool, I tend to put the water in first nowadays.

Stir gravy continuously from the moment you add thickener until ready to serve.

Yes, you can strain the lumps out, although using a blender tends to make it runny.

Potatoes are more easily digested when cooked.

So we had them a few minutes after the main course. What's the big deal?

Potatoes get softer after prolonged boiling; eggs get harder.

This actually happened to my uncle Peter. He couldn't understand why the "soft-boiled eggs" weren't soft yet, after cooking them for half an hour.

Back-scratchers are ideal for scraping boiled eggs from the ceiling.

See above.

Remove LMF's kirby grips from clothing before placing in washing machine.

Rather than after draining the machine and checking the filter (or calling the service engineer if you're female).

Don't leave your uneaten pizza at the restaurant.

Get the waiter to put the leftovers in a box, take it home, pop it in the fridge, leave for a couple of days, then throw it in the bin. Well, that's what we do at Farty Towels anyway.

Check what type of oven you are using before cooking Yorkshire Puddings.

Again, not guilty. What happened was, Aunty B (of Full Moon fame) volunteered to cook her Legendary Yorkshire Puddings to go with our Sunday roast. Turned the oven up to supernova. Greased the tray thoroughly with dripping. Popped the tray in the top shelf. Mixed the batter. Opened the oven door. Stepped back to avoid the flames. Shrieked.
Some ovens turn on the integrated grill when you switch them to full heat.
btw, we've still never tasted Aunty B's LYPs.

When your oven goes on fire, close the oven door.

Keep it closed for at least an hour. Turn off the oven. Cover with a damp towel. Slap Aunty B's wrists every time she "just goes to check". Rub it in at every possible opportunity for the next five years.