Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Random News

Salt.

We're all out of it, apparently. I blame the burglars. They must have sneaked in through an open window when we were off to that burglary summit with Jacqui Smith yesterday. Now what the feck are we supposed to put on our fish and chips?

There is no shoe.

President-baiting seems to be the new fashion, with shoes flying thick and fast when they're around. Unless you happen to be reading Chinese newspapers, which oddly failed to mention when their own premier was shooed off (me so funny) mid-speech at Cambridge University.

If you can't blind them with science...

Gummi_BearScienticians have developed a technique to make Gummi Bears out of cancer cells. And make them glow in the dark. Cool. Chocolate-flavoured semen can only be days away.

A question of sport.

If you're watching your favourite game, would you rather it was interrupted by porn or adverts? Personally, I couldn't care less, unless it's something really important, like ITV's coverage of the O.J. Verdict.


Beavers returning to Scotchland.

BeaverThey're cute, they're furry, they're wet and they smell of fish. What's not to love? Also, some wild animals that were hunted to extinction four hundred years ago have been reintroduced to Scotch habitats. I can't wait to get my binoculars out and go for a bit of beaver spotting at the shower block of Embra University's female halls of residence.

Restraining order permitting.

Toot toot!

13 comments:

Cat said...

If the highways and byways round my way are anything to go by, we are not only out of salt, but sand too. Bloody Council. Bloody snow.

Mr Farty said...

Cat - Bloody Scotchland! Was that you throwing snowballs at the reporter on Scotland Today?

#Debi said...

Dear Lord...why do you do this to me, make my inner 12 year old boy come out? Re: that last item--so many jokes, so little time...

Sewmouse said...

That cancer-droid is scary.
Cancer...

And in the lab, late at night they begin to mutate and multiply, and soon they are plotting to take over the world...

I've Been Mugged said...

I expect we'll be seeing a - Live Beaver Watch on tele any time soon then. Bill Oddie giving a blow by blow account of Beaver antics - while the hidden camera operator zooms in for the close up.

Laurie said...

Why would sailors want to taste like chocolate? Oh, wait. Never mind.

Sir Bruin said...

We do our own gritting at my place of work. Judging by the amount that has been spread here, I can understand the reason for shortages in the rest of the country.
I too am keen on beaver watching and like to think that I have had a small part in their preservation.

#Debi said...

IBM: I dare you to Google "Live Beaver Watch"...

Pearl said...

Beaver cams.
The mind reels.

And really? Out of salt? Now what?
Pearl

john.g. said...

Beaver spotting? Excellent! I'm in! Excuse the accidental pun!

Mr Farty said...

#Debi - That inner 12yo - I have to make a conscious effort to suppress him at work. Not always successfully.

Sew - You've been watching to many horror films. Which reminds me - Lesbian Vampire Killers. Coming soon.

IBM - I've met BO. I bet he hated his parents.

Laurie - Tee hee.

Sir B - If we actually had any snow to speak of, grit might be handy. As it is...

#Debi - I just did. Just stoopid animals.

Pearl - As long as we have pepper, we'll survive.

John - You can't beat a bit of beaver.

I've Been Mugged said...

#Debi: I did and that pesky BO has done it, already.

Farty: Is Daniel Petric a regular follower of this blog? Jesus! He's one sick F.....Makes you glad you let the children play video games and never kept a gun.

Mr Farty said...

IBM - If he is, I just hope he never reads my post about FSoIP (Face Stab over Internet Protocol). Oops.