Farty's Fortunes

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Slow News Day In Scotchland

Embra tram passengers reacted with fury today after yet another delay hit the council's plans to mend over 200,000 miles of track in and around the city.

"I'm furious," moaned passenger Jock McTavish, 94, of Niddrie. "I've been sitting here in this tram, patiently waiting to get home for 53 years now and I'm pretty sure my tea will be burnt to a crisp. The driver won't tell us a thing, but that's probably because he's afraid to speak up in case he loses his job."

When approached by reporters, the driver, Mr Angus Bogle, deceased, refused to answer any questions on the grounds of having died of old age 15 years earlier.

It is believed the contractors, Mr T Gypsy & Co, are asking for an extra £100,000,000,000 to cover the cost of spreading low-grade tarmac on the roads and fly-tipping the waste into the nearest garden.

TIE were unavailable for comment. The next tram is due to leave Princes St in 10 minutes. Honest.


I've Been Mugged said...

I think you've missed a trick here Farty - Should not the Great Tram Story really have been - 'Cameron's beautiful boy dies..'?

Welsh Girl said...

what is going on in Edinburgh? Last time I was up there EVERY SINGLE STREET I went down had been closed off. It took longer to get across town than it did to get from Leek Land to Embra...

Ché l'écossais said...

Privatise them thar trams.

It's a well known all-round solution to every transport issue.

Lesley said...

It's a grand day on Mr. Farty's blog. I can log on and read about stalled trams and recent twats!

Mr Farty said...

IBM - You had me scratching my head there for a bit, but yes, you're right. Feel free to post that story satirically yourself.

Taffeta - Nothing new there, Embra's always been a bitch to drive through. What I love is the way the council always says they're "not anti-car", when they so are.

McChé - And if privatising them doesn't work, renationalising will definitely fix it.

Lesley - Oh, someone noticed I'm now on Twitter! Well spotted!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Poor Mr. Angus Bogle-spending eternity in a stalled tram. Oh the horror!

Mr TiE, not Mr H said...

Cars are shit and so are the people who drive them. Soon my plan to encase them in their own shit, bake them, then relocate them to the Gobi desert where they will spend all eternity trapped in their own shit, will come to fruition. You shits.

Mr Farty said...

Candy - It could be worse, he could have been in Motherwell.

Mr TiE - Will you marry me?