Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Give Us Your Fooking Bloooood!


This morning dawned bright and clear, with a fresh dusting of snow on the ground, and I thought, "I should totally go and give blood today, how hard can it be?" So I picked up my trusty camera and off I toddled to the blood bank. And this is how it works.

First of all, they check your name, address and date of birth, then give you a form to fill in. Well, I say "fill in", actually it's just tick yes or no in a lot of few boxes.


Next, they prick your finger to get a drop of blood and drop that into a solution of copper sulphate to see how long it takes to sink. This tells them you probly don't have enough iron in your blood to donate any today.


Then they wheel in a trolley, whip out a syringe and take about a fingerful of blood to do a more precise measurement. But they don't take it out of your finger, obv, 'cause that would leave it empty. No, they take it from the inside of your elbow. Then they get you to hold a swab over the hole while they run that test, so you can't hold the camera, sigh.

Finally, they tell you that the minimum level of iron they need is 135, but yours is only 132, so if you'd been a woman that would be ok (so I should have gone ahead with that operation after all) but as it is you can have a free non-alcoholic beverage and a handful of biscuits and then come back in three months when you're fit enough to give blood.

Easy peasy!


john.g. said...

Keep up the good work Mr. F! I had a 5 pint transfusion after my accident, and, sadly cannot give beer, sorry, blood anymore!

BTW, your joke's on todays blog!

Toot, toot!

Welsh Girl said...

Damn, damn, damn. That's what I was supposed to be doing yesterday. Aaaargh.

Oh well, hop on over to mine if you wish to collect an award which is more a Meme if you ask me!

Mr Farty said...

John - And now you're permanently on the receiving end of a beer transfusion? I suppose somebody's got to do it.

Taffeta - Award? Oops. I still haven't uploaded the last one from *GiGGLe* - my v v bad!

Z said...

Yes well, last time I went they said I didn't have enough iron in my blood.

Mr Farty said...

Z - Apparently they changed the rules to conform to some new EU regulation, so now they're short of donors. Go figure.

Z said...

Well, to be fair, 11.4 is a bit lower than I'd like to be, and that was with all the blood still in me. But yes, they could have taken it and advised a steak-rich diet.

#Debi said...

I'm always 1 point off being able to give blood, so I don't even bother going in anymore. Back in college, though, I used to sell plasma for drinking...er...grocery money, and I can tell you this for nothing: going to the pub after giving blood is one cheap drunk!

AtomicLaura said...

I always tell them about the partying I did in Haiti in 1977, and they send me packing...
(yup, 2nd grade is one big blur)

Laurie said...

I have the same problem. But then, I am a woman. As far as you know, anyway. They don't take the extra blood out of the elbow, though. They fill the capillary tube for centrifuging by "milking" it out of the original tiny pinprick. Ouch.

Lesley said...

No good can come of an emptied out finger.

I've tried to give blood twice but am short and tiny and told I don't weigh enough. Apparently I don't have enough iron in my blood either, because isn't iron heavy? Oh, I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

Sewmouse said...

I tried a few times to give blood and was always refused, so I don't try anymore.


Brom said...

High iron content... never thought of that, at last a possible reason for my magnetic personality.

john.g. said...

Can't let the side down old chap, what,what!

Mr Farty said...

Z - They did advise me to go on a steak-rich diet, so that's a win for me.

#Debi - I'll bear that in mind. Hic!

Laura - Sounds like a good party!

Laurie - Oyah!

Lesley - Gold is heavier than iron. Mmmm, gold blood, that would need auremoglobin molecules. I'm not a scientist either, but there's a good report of such a thing here if you're interested in golden eggs.

Sew - Maybe in your case it's better in than oot?

Brom - Do you have to avoid MRI scanners?

John - Bottoms up!

Mr H said...

I got barred back in the nineties.

Something to do with hepatitis, tattoos and a surly demeanour.

At least I didnae have to give back my silver badge.

Mr Farty said...

Mr H - Silver badge, eh? Get you! *claps*