Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 30 January 2009

Give Generously

I give and I give and I give and still you want more. You're like a bunch of zombie vampires or something. Sorry, I've been immersed in another blog and some of it seems to have rubbed off.

So. What have I missed?

Well, for one thing, the fuckwitted city council of Birmingham (not Alabama, the other one) have seen fit to ban apostrophes from their signage. Apparently the cost of reintroducing them would be astronomical. Maybe I can help out. Hey, Brum! Here, have some apostrophes! '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

While were on the subject, whats the correct spelling of the half-street that runs through Embra city centre?Princes_Street
Thats right - Princes Street. Named after the two sons of Mad King George III. No apostrophe needed. Your welcome.

You have no idea how hard it is for me not to go back and punctuate that paragraph.

BassoonMrs F decided we should buy a bassinet for Little Miss Farty's baby, due in August.
Me: So we're going to play it soothing music?
Mrs F: WTF?
Me: I've heard that's good for developing fœtuses.
Mrs F: What exactly do you think a bassinet is?
Me: Er, some kind of musical instrument?
Mrs F: How did you arrive at that conclusion?
Me: It's a cross between a bassoon and a clarinet, innit?Clarinet

I wonder which part you blow?

Did you know New England isn't actually a US state? I didn't.

An atheist campaign group was cleared to run ads on London buses claiming that there's probably no God. Christians wanted the ads banned on the grounds of substantiation and truthfulness, but the ASA ruled that the ad wasn't misleading, because they used the word 'probably'. Now the backlash - Christians want to place ads saying there is a God. Won't they have to prove it first?

On the subject of invisible flying things, did you hear about the Lincolnshire wind turbine that was hit by a UFO? According to The Sun, "there was no trace of one of the turbine’s three huge 65ft blades." Until it turned up a few feet away. And in order to hit two of the blades, any object must have been about 170 feet long. Er...unless the blades were rotating. Its It's all very mysterious.


Laurie said...

Mr Farty, you are my hero. You managed to combine three of my favourites - bassoons, the FSM and Lynrd Skynrd(')s Free Bird - in ONE POST!

Oh, wait. Free Bird is the answer to the previous post. You're still my hero!

Middle Aged Woman said...

Thank the FSM for Mr. Farty. When Charlie Brown learned about commas, his, writing, looked, like, this.

Mr Farty said...

Laurie - I've been playing Free Bird on continuous loop, it's that good.

MAW - Aw, I heart Charlie Brown!

Liz said...

Oh look, I have geographical links to two elements of this post.

My brother lives in Brumingham. I will ask him his opinion on the missing apostrophes, but chances are he wont have noticed!

My parents live in Lincolnshire. And they hate windturbines! Sir Bruin suggested that my mother (whom he calls Granny Weatherwax) had caused that damage by flying into the turbine on her broomstick. Her response? She said "tell Sir Bruin that when I'm out on my broom, a nimbus 2000, I expect things to get out of the way".

Oh, and then she put a spell on him so he fell off his chair.

Mr Farty said...

Liz - The only good thing to come out of Brum, AFAIK, is Cat Deeley, sigh.

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