Farty's Fortunes

Sunday, 27 December 2009

We Did Warn You

As has been reported heavily in the press, plane bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was reported to US authorities a good six months before the attack. Some insight into the Merkans' lack of enthusiasm to follow up the matter at the time can be gleaned from this copy of an email sent by the would-be bomber's father to the CIA:

Lagos, Nigeria.
Attention: The CIA.

Dear Sir,

Confidential Security Proposal

Having consulted with my family and based on the information received from Nigerian Secret Service, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer a Verified Member of Al Qaida into your custody. The above request resulted from many years of intelligence gathering, internet Deep Packet Inspection and other means which I cannot discuss in an open forum such as this with your good self in case of Eaves Dropping.

We are now ready to transfer the suspect overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as a former Chairman of Nigeria's FirstBank, I and my family are forbidden to operate a foreign Bank Account; that is why we require your assistance. The total reward will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international expenses incidental to the renderition.

If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your banker's name, telephone, account and fax numbers.

(b) your private telephone and fax numbers — for confidentiality and easy communication.

(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.

Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply urgently.

Best regards
Umaru Mutallab


Laurie said...

You know the US authorities should be lamblasted for missing this. Problemly.

john.g. said...

The U.S. screwing up? Surely not!

BugginWord said...

Fantastic! I also love that you have it labeled with "thieving cunts." I must now go play in your archives!

Mr Farty said...

Laurie - They'll do the same as last time - beef up security to the point where airlines start going bust due to all the delays, then do it some more and still make no real difference.

John - They learned from the best - the UK. And stop calling me Shirley.

Buggins - Welcome to my blog. Sorry it's been a bit sparse lately, all the cool kids have gone over to Twitter and I've followed them to try and look trendy and not at all because I'm a perv who follows kids around. How dare you insinuate that I'm a perv!

#Debi said...

I may have to forward this post on to friends. Our Head of Homeland Security said earlier that "the system worked well". That, of course, was before she said that the system had failed, and how dare you insinuate that I ever said otherwise. We're being governed by a bunch of idiots who think they've learned the Jedi mind trick, but sadly have not... Thank God there was a Dutchman aboard the plane to stick his finger in the terrorist...

Mr Farty said...

#Debi - We had a social services director who also claimed that the system worked well, just after a child her department should have taken into care was murdered and just before she herself was sacked.

And did you see the state of that guy's underpants? Ew!

john.g. said...

Sorry Anne!

Mr Farty said...

Right, that does it, I'm disabling anonymous comments! *sticks fingers up*