Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 10 September 2009

Updated: Ezee-Keyzee

I've been thinking. Shut up, it can happen. You know how mobile keypads are all small and fidgety and hard to operate when you're drunk? Well, I've invented a keyboard like on a mobile phone but - and here's the clever part - instead of having all the letters of the alphabet, plus numbers and shit it's got a small, simple set of symbols pre-programmed to enter entire words and phrases at a single keypress! Yeah. So you can have LOL, ROFLMAO, WTF, "your retarded", "yo momma", ect.

I was going to post a Photoshopped picture to go with but I was rudely interrupted and now it's midnight, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

"You're welcome"

Updated: It coliary looks like this:
Ezee-Keezee

24 comments:

Cofo said...

Invest! Invest! Invest!

A fortune to be made if I ever saw one.

Lesley said...

Dude. This is brilliant. Maybe it could also include a button for "comsh pish meshup I drunky."

Of course I, myself, would never need one of these as I, myself, am never, EVER drunk. Ahem.

Laurie said...

Great idea, but when I'm drunky, I'd still probably press the wrong button and send "yor retarded" instead of LOL, thus completely alienating the other person. Knowing me, I'd probably accidentally do that when sober, too.

Lesley, if I sent that message to Bill I'd NEVER get picked up because a) he wouldn't understand it, and b) he never checks his text messages. Ever.

Lesley said...

Laurie: Send it to me! I'll come pick you up any time! I might take a while getting there (long-ish drive), but you can rest assured I won't let your drunky booty wander around the streets at night. And then when we get to your house I'll lead a "HOW TO USE THE DATA FEATURES ON YOUR PHONE" seminar for Bill.

Z said...

Laurie, that would be what the 'soz' button is for. Farty, you're (soz, your) a genius, and I particularly love the 'ect' - pure Nigel Molesworth.

Sewmouse said...

[Hi] [LOL] [LUV] [IDEA] [ROFL]

However, like Laurie, I'd probably tell everyone they were retarded in the most rude and obnoxious way when trying to say "Let's all rent a movie and order pizza and beer"

Mr Farty said...

Cofo - Now I just need a rich backer. I hear Sir Shred's got a few million tucked away.

Lesley - Oh, good idea! *scribbles hastily*

Laurie - I'm always retarded when I'm drunky.

Lesley - Training seminars! Excellent! *breaks pencil in excitement*

Z - I actually wince when I deliberately mis-spell words. Probly why I never do that.

Sew - Heh. "Moar beer"

Picture added!!!

Lesley said...

DUDE: Awesome pic. I love this in absurd amounts. HALP! (Coliary. Wolverines. HEH.)

Cofo said...

I WAS a little worried about what would happen in the event of a wolverine attack. I'm glad to see that this issue has been resolved.

#Debi said...

Please to 'splain for the ignorant Merkan...what is this "coliary" of which you speak? Love the photo, btw, esp. the wolverines...

Mr Farty said...

Oops. Apparently I have a blog. How about that?

Lesley - Master of PaintShop (as if!), professional photographer (unpaid), sheet-folder extraordinaire, that's me. How's that D9 post going? Maybe you should make it D10 so that it's ready in time for the sequel. LOL!

Cofo - We Chinese think of everything...hang on, I'm not Chinese. I must have forgotten something!

#Debi - Click here for Coliary. It's a Merkan word. Susrprised you haven't come across it before, it's very popular.

#Debi said...

Nope, never heard it. Must be running with the wrong crowd...

Amy said...

I can so totally relate to the difficulty operating those coliary keypads when drunk. It's so nice to have entire thoughts on one key. Then people won't KNOW you're drunk. "your brilliant"

lady macleod said...

BRILLIANT! Sign me up for shares, hic...

Cat said...

I need something which actually stops me from texting when I've had a drink. Invent that?

Mr Farty said...

Debi - Here's the origin of the word coliary. If that doesn't clear it up, you are dead to me.

Amy - Your welcome. This is easy.

Lady M - Oh, hai! Glad you like it.

Cat - Isn't that called a "Best Mate"?

#Debi said...

Please don't make me dead to you! At least, not until the end of the year. I'm still enjoying your lovely calendar... (followed link, all coming clear now)

Mr Farty said...

Debi - There's nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail, innit?

VE said...

Genius. Then you can write a dummies book for texters to learn how to use it...

Mr Farty said...

VE - First I'd need someone to show me how to switch it on.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

But didn't someone just invent a thing to stop you texting when you're drunk, you had to do a maths test or something, wasn't long ago. I'm new to coliary, it could come in handy. In Nigeria they say "disting". E.g. Where I dey go put my disting?

Mr Farty said...

Daffers - Disting? Never heard of it. Except maybe 100 years ago. Don't tell The Bloggess, she'll be gutted.

apositivepessimist said...

Can you add...fuk off u git!

Mr Farty said...

Apos - Is that for the MiL?