Farty's Fortunes

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Finish That Sentence

1. My uncle once: told me I was rubbish in bed.

2. Never in my life: have I wanted to be on Big Brother.

3. When I was five: we still had black-and-white TV. And two channels. The content was far superior to today's.

4. High school was: worthy of several posts all on its own. The drugs, the bullying, the sexual liaisons, the murders - and that was just the teachers!

5. I will never forget: Mrs Gray, my English teacher. Hubba.

6. Once I met: myself coming the other way. So now I know the time machine works.

7. There’s this girl I know: she's amazing - beautiful, intelligent, witty, charming; brown eyes flecked with gold, gazing out from beneath a short, blonde fringe as she squeezes my hand and describes all the wonders she's seen that day and tells me of her fantastic plans for the next, before she flies off to gladden someone else's heart.

8. Once, at a bar: stay there till closing time. It beats fighting through the crowd again.

9. By noon, I’m usually: ready for chilli nachos.

10. Last night: it was dark.

11. If only I had: lady boobs, my life would be complete.

12. Next time I go to church: it'll be to dance at Margaret Thatcher's funeral.

13. What worries me most: is that they'll find out about the portal.

14. When I turn my head left I see: flashes.

15. When I turn my head right I see: that it's time for my meds.

16. You know I’m lying when: I'm in a horizontal position.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: sharing a chillum with friends.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Bottom. Duh.

19. By this time next year: I'll be a year older.

20. A better name for me would be: Fat Freddie.

21. I have a hard time understanding: creationists.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: take an AK-47 with me.

23. You know I like you if: a bulge appears under my kilt.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: the one who handed me the award.

25. Take my advice, never: take my advice.

26. My ideal breakfast is: in bed. With Hollaby Wallaby.

27. A song I love but do not have is: Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands by Bob Dylan.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: stay on the bus/train/boat/plane.

29. Why won’t people: STFU?

30. If you spend a night at my house: just ignore the screams.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: Nadine Coyle crying: "It should have been me!"

32. The world could do without: humans.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: have it lick my belly.

34. My favourite blonde is: Hollaby Wallaby.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: snot. But sometimes you have to use what's available.

36. If I do anything well it’s: news to me.

37. I can’t help but: poke fun, it keeps the shadows at bay.

38. I usually cry: "Fore!" Just as they're in mid-swing.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: don't get caught.

40. And by the way: it's your turn.

(Thanks to Mr Angry for the meme).

9 comments:

john.g. said...

First!

Who the fuck is Hollaby Wallaby?

Mr Farty said...

John - Try to picture Jessica Rabbit off Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, only in the flesh.

Mr H said...

Surely, john.g. should be barred for his shocking ignorance? It's just wrong.

1st Lady said...

I'm with John and have noooo idea who Mr. H. Wallaby is......

john.g. said...

There you go, I'm not the only numbnut that reads this drivel, I bet there's loads! OOPS, sorry Mr. F!

Mr Farty said...

Mr H - Hear hear! Next he'll be claiming he's never heard of Sandra Pillock.

1st L - If you're with John, give him a slap for me, please.

John - Just for you, I've taken a quick peek at my stats. There's only one hit under "keyword activity" - how to spot a retard. I can't for the life of me figure out how that would have brought anyone to my blog :o7

SpanishGoth said...

Ha ha - velly funny, velly funny

(seriously)

Point 22 - you should be a Merkan then.....

Jacki said...

I love number 23!

Mr Farty said...

S - Ever heard of Dunblane?

Jacki - I bet you do!

I'll be visiting to see who picks this up, so get typing!