Farty's Fortunes

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Abandon The North!


A Tory think-tank says that northern cities such as Liverpool, Sunderland and Hull are beyond revival and that millions of northerners should migrate to London and the southeast of England, following a massive building program to house them all.

Rather than ruin what's left of the southeast landscape with three million new slums, I would respectfully suggest that we could:

- Build a huge, fortified wall north of Oxford to keep them out.
Or move Hadrian's Wall a bit further south.

- Inundate the North of England, drowning the northerners.
Work in hand, have you seen the news?

- Jack up the cities of Liverpool and Hull and drive them south.
Except that the thieving scousers would nick the wheels.

- Abandon the North to the rats and wolves.
There are no wild wolves in the UK, but we're working on that.

Do you have a better idea?


BOSSY said...

Wait - are we playing Risk? Can Bossy be yellow?

Mr H said...

I'm v.confused.

Why on Earth would a Tory, A TORY, want all those blasted Northerners (Suvvern nancy boys from where I'm sitting) moving dahn Sarf?

Mebbe they think that a Scouse versus Yardie all out war would reduce the population of ne'er do wells to manageable proportions.

Re. Norfolk. They built their houses IN THE SEA. What did they think would happen? Eejits.

Mr Farty said...

BOSSY - The risk is that you might catch something off them Northerners while they're stealing your purse/hubcaps/car.

Oh, btw, your Georgia post is much better than mine.

H - You're confused? How do you think I feel? Not only does your comment make sense for a change, I totally agree with every word. I must have a little lie down.

VE said...

I say we nuke the whole planet from orbit...just to be safe.

Mr Farty said...

VE - Nice try, but boffins say that in the event of a nucular holocaust, the only things to survive would be cockroaches and scousers.