Farty's Fortunes

Monday, 22 October 2007

Flying Killer Monkeys From Hell

I've had to put my first movie script on hold for the moment, as Orlando Bloom has been too busy to return any of my 200 phone calls. Never mind; I've already had an idea for a sequel, and eagle-eyed readers will have noticed that this time I've come up with the title first!

We rejoin the tale one year after the first film ends. In a devastated Earth, the tattered remnants of humanity try to rebuild civilisation, but there are too few
survivors left after the mayhem caused by those pesky brain-eating zombies.

Working feverishly in a lab based in Hawaii (to get away from the zombies), with sweat from the tropical heat (and global warming, obv.) dripping down her front, Doctor Salma Hayek has genetically engineered a troop of flying monkeys1.

These airborne anthropods (so I used a thesaurus, so sue me) have been trained to perform all the menial tasks so that the scientists can get on with the real work of destroying the zombies and putting the world to rights; simple-minded jobs like fruit-pickers, street-sweepers, taxi-drivers, database programmers, drummers and England rugby players (*ducks*).

At first, the results look promising - the new working class is literally prepared to work for peanuts. But then disaster strikes! El Nino brings an early monsoon, the world peanut harvest is decimated and starving monkeys run fly amok.

In a desperate effort to save the world, bigger, more ferocious langurs are trained to attack the original, smaller macaques and keep them under control...

Nah, come on, who would swallow a story as far-fetched as killer monkeys? That's just preposterous!

1 You may ask why they need to be flying monkeys - the reason is, of course, that the title would make no sense otherwise. It's too late to change it now: deal with it.


rilly super said...

I think it could work as a musical Mr farty, with a rousing rendition of 'don't cry for me argentina' as the finale. If you do manage to get through to Orlando Bloom, tell him if he's ever up north...

BOSSY said...

Wait - Bossy can hardly concentrate she is so impressed with you bloggy new design. Blog-tastic!

john.g. said...

Sod the man-eating monkeys and global warming, I'll mess about with Salma Hayek!!

Mr Farty said...

Rilly - Nice to see you back oop north and thanks for your words of encouragement.

BOSSY - Whu? I only changed the wallpaper FFS. Or do you mean my fortune cookies? Or the Flickr link? Mmmm it is getting a bit bloggy, innit?

John - There's a queue.

Colin Will said...

Look Back In Langur?

I'm trying! I'm trying!

zoe said...

Thank you SO much for the link - mwah mwah xxx

Mr Farty said...

Colin - Snort! Good one.

Zed - *swoons*

You know you're a success when a REAL blogger leaves a comment.

Right, that's me. I've decided to quit while I'm ahead. Bye.