Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 12 October 2007

A Commission!

Mr Farty has had a request to "work some magic" on a ladyfriend's photo so that she can pull the blokes in one of them online dating sites. Let's call her Hamster, to protect her anonymity1.

Ladies, I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you want to catch a man, just show up naked with beer. Laced with Rohypnol.

Anyways, down to business. Fire up PaintShopPro and load Hamster's original photo.

One thing that strikes me right away is the hairstyle. That bowl cut is soooo last week, girl! Let's get out the clone brush and bring it down to your shoulders.

Now for those skin tones. Honey, I'm surprised you don't have rickets, living in perpetual darkness wherever it is you live (*ahem*). Do you have to take vitamin D tablets? Click on the Suntan tool and spread around the face. Use the right mouse button and Alt to adjust the brush size, and zoom in to work around the eyes and that. Or take a trip to a tanning booth.

Hmmm. Now your lips look too pale. Maybe a touch of red lippy, nothing too ostentatious. Use the Lighten tool to add highlights.

You know, that lipstick gives me an idea. How about we make you a redhead? Draw around the hair with the Freehand tool, so that we don't get blood everywhere, then apply an appropriate shade of red paint hair colouring liberally. Don't worry too much about going over the edges, as you can use the clone tool to smooth things out later.

Now pick the Toothbrush tool to bring up those really pearly whites. And maybe just a smidgen of mascara. Remember, less is more.

Finally, we need to pour you into into a killer outfit, something to show off your figure. I've got just the thing in my own wardrobe...hang on...

Et voila! Go knock 'em dead!

Don't thank me. Really.

1 Actually, it's Cat.


Julie Midas said...


Misssy M said...

Do you know that there are porn-type sites dedicated to Jessica Rabbit. She obviously attracts some weird types. Don't ask me how I know.

By the way, Cat's going to kill you.

Cat said...


Given my hairdresser's "advice" yesterday, perhaps I should thank you and say form an orderly queue, boys.

In reality, I'll say red is definitely not my colour, and I do NOT have yellow teeth!

Mr Farty said...

Julie - Only if I get caught.

Misssy - Now that's weird.

Of course she won't kill me, she won't even know about this post. I know, because I specifically left her a note in her comments box telling her not to come here. Sorted!

Cat - Oooer.

I couldn't believe it when I saw your post The Look, it just fits so well...

Of course you don't have yellow teeth, it's those Hollywood types putting floodlights in their mouths that make the rest of us look so unattractive by comparison.

Pity you don't have spots, I could have used the practice with the blemish remover ;-)

BOSSY said...

The end result is stunning: Blue eye shadow never goes out of style. Much.

Mr Farty said...

BOSSY - Mr Farty never goes out without his blue eye shadow.