Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Xmas Competition

So. People have been wondering where I get my ideas for Computer Terms Illustrated. The simple answer is that they just pop into my head fully-formed, and sometimes that answer is true. But more often it's like this: I'll read or hear a word, write it down and then turn it over in my head for a few seconds days until an apt illustration suggests itself.

Like "blade" - you must have seen IBM's TV ads for this piece of electronic wizardry. I still have no.fooking.idea what they mean by that word, but I know exactly what it means to me:

Kate "Babushka" Bush


Lucy "Xena" Lawless


That bloke off Lord of the Rings



There are a few terms whose "true"1 meaning still eludes me. And that's where you come in, dear reader. All you have to do to win a FANTASTIC PRIZE2 is to submit a half-decent picture to illustrate any or all of the following pooter-based expressions:-

  • Dark Fibre

  • Data Mining

  • Vapourware

  • Spoofing

  • Password

  • Blue Screen of Death

  • Bit Map3

  • Anything I haven't already done, really


Multiple entries accepted. Pictures can be emailed to MrFarty at blueyonder dot co dot uk or posted on your own blog with a link. Or stolen off the intertubes, in a pinch4. In the highly unlikely event that more than three or four entries are received, there will be a fight to the death to decide the winner. Or a poll or something. I haven't thought that far ahead. Closing date November-ish.

Update: Fer feck's sake! Anybody? Christ. Right. If you have an idea but can't draw, take photographs or be arsed to surf the intertubes for a picture, just TELL me your idea. Like the inestimable Señor Goth (thanks S).

1 For a given value of true.

2 Ok, it's a Scottish calendar.

3 Like I say, they just come to me like *click* that! Better hurry up.

Hob-bit Map

Middle Earth

4 Not that I would ever drop to that level. *cough*


SpanishGoth said...

Not sure I can be arsed to piss around searching for pictures so here are the Gothic definitions of your list:-

Dark Fibre - serial killers knitting materials

Data Mining - why send small children to fetch coal when you can get androids to do the work

Vapourware - a tupperware party for blondes

Spoofing - pretending to surf without the ability to swim

Password - something you say on a TV quiz if you know fuck all but are strapped to a black chair

Blue Screen of Death - where film-makers try to create CGI but plug the floor in and spray the wall instead

SpanishGoth said...

Farty stuff even made the BBC.

Laughed? I nearly shat but that would involve following up/down

Farty Saves Lives - without warning

Giggle! said...

HAHAHHA Classic! I'll have to have a think about this one!

Oh! And I LOVE Kates Bush! :-D xx

Brom said...

Also got my thinking cap on, but first have to lie down ... Kate Bush and Xena together!!.... Farty you tease!!

Welsh Girl said...

Oh god, there's homeworkd to do? Nobody warned me about this.

ps - love the Bit map!

Jacki said...

I am afraid that I would never come close to your genius. ;-) But if I happen upon something, I'm gonna play along.

Mr Farty said...

S - I suppose you think that's clever! Um, yes it is.

S again - "He's having a heart attack!" "Let me through, I'm Farty and I'm ready to blow!"

GiGGLe - Take as long as you like, I know you can produce the goods. And I don't just mean the bump! :-p

Brom - You filthy perv, you'd never see Xena and Kate together! Xena and Gabrielle maybe...

Taffeta - Minus 1 for spelling. Could do better.

Jacki - I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Mr H said...

Sorry I took so long, but I can rarely get past a picture of Kate Bush in her Ba-bush Ka outfit without pausing for, um, breath.

Anyway, Vapourware is here.

Vapour Wear

Mr Farty said...

Mr H - Um. Riiiight. Whatever. Thanks, I think.

Mr Farty said...

Boys and girls? Competition closes on Sunday, November 30th. So if you haven't already submitted your entries - and I'm talking to you, you and you - you'd better get a move on!