Farty's Fortunes

Monday, 13 August 2007

Political Correctness Gone Differently Sane

  • Ramadana Ding-Dong
    Embra hospital workers have been told not to eat at their desks to avoid offending Muslim colleagues during Ramadan. And Muslim doctors have been requested not to drive burning jeeps into Scotch airport lounges during the summer holiday period.Muslim Jeep

  • Walking Two Short Planks
    Insurers threatened to pull the plug on the annual Plank-Walking Championships in Kent unless entrance forms were amended to warn contestants that "plank-walking may make you wet". Visitors to the Vatican have also been warned to look out for Catholic Popes and hikers planning on taking a stroll in the woods should mind their step.Walking The Plank

  • Rubbish Flowers
    Paul Newman - who appears to have eschewed Hollywood for Bedshampton in Hampshire - has been snubbed by garbage disposal operatives after leaving a bunch of dead flowers in his household waste. They'd prefer that he puts the lilies in the back of his truck and drives the twenty-mile round trip to the dump to dispose of them in an environmentally-friendly way. With the emphasis on "mental".A Lily Yesterday

  • Barking Mad
    Feliciana P. Harrell was arrested in Wisconsin after she "barked at and agitated a K-9 dog". How do you agitate a tin dog?Tin Dog

  • Losing The Plot
    June Turnbull, whose gardening skills at the entrance to the high street helped win Urchfont the Best Kept Village Of The Year award, has been given a cease-and-desist order for failing to wear a fluorescent jacket, place women-at-work warning signs or have a second person standing by whenever she wanted to go along and do a bit of weeding. The order comes from Wiltshire County Council, whose county seat lies in Salisbury. Sour grapes or what?Salisbury Flower Show


Brom said...

Beautifully collated - as always!

Apparently a guy got into trouble last week for putting his compulsory "No Smoking" sign on the entrance to his public accessed building as it was grade II listed.

Sewmouse said...

If not canine - what other kinds of dogs are there please?

Cat said...

Man, I'm glad you don't work in my place, you'd last about two and a half minutes before the political correctness police marched you out. I spend most of my time plugged into headphones and with my mouth taped shut just in case I slip up.

lady macleod said...

LOL too funny, AS USUAL.

"papal bull and stung"! what a hoot.

How do you piss off a tin dog?

Mr Farty said...

Brom - Don't get me started on "No Smoking". Well, ok. LMF is a nurse. The hospital where she works has a "Smoking Shelter" specially built to shelter the patients and staff from the elements while they have a smoke.
When the "No Smoking" law was passed in Scotchland, the Smoking Shelter was deemed to be an "enclosed space", so they couldn't smoke in it until one wall and several windows had been removed. Genius!
One the plus side, she was so pissed off that she gave up smoking!

Sew - Hot dogs?

Cat - Why do you think this blog's anonymous?

Lady M - Thanks, I was beginning to think Papal Bull had fallen on stony ground. Have you read Harry Potter? Would you like to post Jakey Rowling's blog?

I know how to piss on a tin dog, but I wouldn't want to get a shock!

john.g. said...

Health and Safety have prevented a clown from using those twisty balloons to make animal shapes with in case the latex in them causes an allergic reaction in some chidren! Daily Telegraph, today.

Jahooni said...

I love this post. Funny and sooo true.

Mr Farty said...

John - Why am I not surprised?

J - Four of those items were from the same day's paper. Goodness me.

Rita said...

Interesting to know.