Farty's Fortunes

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Indistinguishable From Magic

Isn't it marvellous, the way all those ideas that used to be pure fantasy, then science fiction, have been developed into credible scientific theories and built into real, useable technology?

  • Crystal balls
  • Only a hundred years ago, people scoffed at the idea that one day, if would be possible to see major world events, as they took place, on the other side of the planet. Like Paris Hilton being jailed for drink-driving or some cow being given a death sentence. Must...resist...posting...minger...picture...

  • Alien planets
  • Giordano Bruno was burned at the stake in 1600 for even suggesting that there might be other worlds inhabited by other beings. To date, more than 200 alien worlds have been discovered. Probly. It's hard to be sure, all you see is a tiny wobble in a star's motion or a brief dimming in its brightness. But the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence continues unabated. As scientists say, we just need more money research.

  • Teleportation
  • Just imagine being able to walk into a booth in Sydney, Australia, dial in a code and emerge seconds later in Kentucky, USA. Dream on - so far, they've got as far as teleporting a single atom held at a temperature close to absolute zero. Besides, who in their right mind would want to go to Kinfucky?

  • Invisibility Cloak
  • This story finds its roots way back in Greek mythology. More recently, Frodo, er, Harry made use of a similar device to escape detection. Just last year, scientists developed a working cloak shed of invisibility. Better known to us lesser mortals as a shed.

    Now You See ThemNow You Don't

  • Levitation
  • Who wouldn't give their eye teeth to fly on a A Flying Carpet yesterdaymagic carpet? Cue A Whole New World and all that Disney shite. Yes, of course it would be amazingly brilliant, in theory. But have you considered the practicalities? Fending off the squeegee brigade while you wait at busy airborne intersections. Spending all your time hoovering up dead flies and that. Still, the high-speed chases would be much more exciting.

  • Time Travel
  • Hop in the Tardis with Dr Who, step back in time and see Kylie Minogue in the bath. I Should Be So Lucky. But Professor Amos Ori now thinks it might just be possible, using an envelope filled with dust. [You're yanking my chain, right? Ed.] No, really.

  • Cold Fusion
  • Limitless energy, virtually for free. All you need is a few million dollars, twenty years and a gullible sponsor. Or you could stick with hot fusion, which costs a gazillion dollars and will deliver commercial results in forty years. Or so they tell us every forty years. Sigh. Looks like we're stuck with the big round yellow thing meantime.


john.g. said...

Farty, posh sheds, mines' a beat up old thing full of crap, bit like the rest of this post! LOL!

Mr Farty said...

Garcon! Saucer of milk for Mr Greenwood!

Diesel said...

When I am president of the U.S., I will increase the funding of ridiculously impractical but scientific sounding projects by 8 bazillion percent.

Mr Farty said...

Diesel gets my vote. Anything that doesn't contribute to warfare must be good, right?

Brom said...

Fantastic stuff Mr. F

Better than "The New Scientist", you can quote me on that.

And thanks for shedding the light on the invisibility thing.

No pun intended - initially - then I couldn't resist.

Mr Farty said...

Shed - light - yes, very good.

*bugger, should have thought of that. wonder if i can edit the post then delete Brom's comment?*

lady macleod said...

Brilliant! I love it. I am with you on the flying carpet, I want one, but I'm wearing a hat and sunscreen. What happens if it begins to unthread mid-air? Perhaps I should take one of those little rug-hooking devices just in case...

BOSSY said...

Silly. Such silly notions. Now if you don't mind Bossy must excuse herself in order to teleport over to the market for skim milk.

rilly super said...

mr farty, this makes up for Tomorrows World not coming back, except for the exploding car video, and maggie philbin. All these advances fill me with trepidation though, as I have enough trouble making the microsoft paper clip disappear, never mind a phone box that's bigger on the inside belonging to a time travelling chap from west lothian who feels that aliens wouldn't understand him unless he talks like a car dealer from Peckham.

Cat said...

Could you look in the crystal ball and tell me when I'm going to find me a top new job?

Mr Farty said...

Lady M - Well, of course flying carpets are ten-a-penny out your way. And well done on the 10,097 visits.

BOSSY - Silly? They're fooking ridiculous.

Er...what's this "skim milk" thing?

Rilly - Ah, Maggie Philbin *sigh*

No more TW? Shame. Still, that other technology program returns in two weeks. All hail Moss!

Cat - Try posting your cv here.