Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 25 April 2008

Merkan-English Dictionary: Oil Crisis Special

If a British person says his/her car runs on gas, they usually mean it's powered by hydrogen. If a Merkan says the same thing, they're usually wrong. Here's why.

Crude Oil: A black, smelly, sticky liquid that comes shooting out of the ground at 100mph. And swears a lot.

Oil Strike: When the people whose job it is to refine the oil decide to down tools and join a picket line.

Diesel:

  1. One of the top bloggers in the blogosphere.

  2. A train, but not as exciting as a proper steam train.

  3. Flying Scotsman
  4. A petroleum-based fuel which is burned in engines ignited by compression rather than spark.


Petrol: A mixture of hydrocarbons which is used as a fuel.

Gas:
  1. One of the five "states of matter" (after Bose-Einstein condensate, solid and liquid, and followed by plasma), that subsequently appear as a cold substance is subjected to increasingly higher temperatures.

  2. The direct cause of flatulence.


Hannah Spearritt

Gasoline: A volatile flammable mixture of hydrocarbons (hexane, heptane, octane etc.) derived from petroleum. Merkan for petrol.

11 comments:

Giggle! said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA That photo of the flamin fart woman is FREAKIN hysterical!!!!

*wipes tears* !!!!! xx

VE said...

I learn so much here. But now I have to go take a dump. I'm not sure where I'll take it from or take it to...but for some reason I always have the need to say that.

john.g. said...

Christ! What's she been eating?!

Chicken Korma?

Mr Farty said...

Giggle - Sometimes you see a picture and, well, you just have to go with it. If you see any candidates, do let me know.

Oh, and if you see any really good candidates, send them to Done A Poo!

VE - I aim to educate and entertain. Like the BBC, only with even cheaper special effects. Enjoy your dump.

John - I'll have what she's been having.

rilly super said...

Mr farty, you know so much about the oil business you must be JR and Bobby's lost sibling. never mind 'Dallas', they should have made it 'Morningside'

#Debi said...

Johng: I had chicken korma just the other day, and it didn't do that to me...

john.g. said...

#debi, chicken korma looks like baby shit!

Mr Farty said...

Rilly - As the SNP used to remind us on a daily basis, It's Scotchland's Oil! Nice to see the unions keeping it safely locked underground until it reaches the right price.

Debi / John - Would you mind taking your culinary discussions elsewhere please? This is a serious educational forum. *cough*

Jahooni said...

this is why a woman should never fart. never.

Mr Farty said...

Jahooni - I'm sure women never do fart. (I'll let you into a secret - that photo was digitally enhanced!)

Jahooni said...

nah really? but I didn't see any lettuce! ;)~