Farty's Fortunes

Monday, 28 April 2008

A Brief History of Scotchland In One Part

I'm researching wondering whether I should be arsed about writing a series about the great history of oor nation. The noo. It'll be great. Here's a taster.

Some dates for your diary:

  • 4004BC Scotchland created. And some other stuff.

  • 4000BC Angus McAdam: the first Scotchman born. Jings!

  • 1296 King Edward's potatoes vs. scones : which is the better source of carbs?

  • 1300 Natural History: The life cycle of the haggis - from Scotch Egg to your dinner plate.

  • 1314 Bannockburn: cookery show. How to cook bannocks without burning them.

  • 1500 Tartan porridge: The recipe revealed.

  • 1715 The Old Pretender: Merkan/Aussie Mel Gibson pretends to be Scotch. Badly. Ye cannae take oor freedom, but ye can certainly murrrder oor language. Crivvens!

  • 1745 The Young Pretender: Weegie John Barrowman pretends to be a Merkan. Rather more convincingly.

  • 1755 The Big Fight: Bony[sic] Prince Charlie vs the Loch Ness Monster - who is the better Scotch? There's only one way to find out!Nessie

  • 1820 Doctor Who: David "Ten-Inch" McDonald gets out his sonic screwdriver. Help ma boab!

  • 1905 I'd Do Anything:
    Mmmmiss Ashley Russell.

  • 2222 Star Trek: Scotty "Scotty" Scott born in Linlithgow. Beam me up, FFS!Scotty

Anyone interested in a series? Any Scotch people interested in contributing material? I might start a new blog. Hmmmm.


john.g. said...


Best Scotch? Laphroaig!

Mr Farty said...

John - Haha, very good! I'll use that.

#Debi said...

I'm on the edge of me seat, waiting for the 1st installment...

Hurry up, then--it's damned uncomfortable here on the edge of this seat! :)

Sewmouse said...

But when did y'all invent sticky cello tape?

Jacki said...

Is that you in the first pic, Farty? I was wondering what you looked like. ;-)

What about Robert the Bruce? And why was he named Robert the Bruce? What is a Bruce?

Mr Farty said...

Debi - Get yourself a comfier seat, sit back and relax...but don't relax too much, you might fall asleep ;-)

Sew - Scotch. Tape. I nearly missed that, I'm wearing my stupid head today.

Jacki - If only I had such good teeth. Mind, I could touch them up...

What is a Bruce? Hmmm, I could research that, or I could just make something up...bwahahaha!

Marie said...

You totally left out Gerard Butler!

Mr Farty said...

Marie - Gerard who? Oh...that guy seriously needs a shave.