Merkan-English Dictionary #10

Does it never end? [No - Ed.]

Ok, let's have a wee think...

• Check

What you should do when you want to find out if you can really afford those Jimmy Choo shoes.


• Cheque

What you write in order to "pay" for said shoes. Women can always afford shoes.
Note that when your bank manager asks you to clear your humungous overdraft, under no circumstances should you attempt to offer him a cheque. This will just make him even more cross.


• Rest room

In Britain, where one goes to take a rest. Usually with big, comfy chairs and sometimes even a telly.
In Merka, where one goes for a poo.


• Chaps

In Britain, chaps are blokes. Guys. Men.
In Merka, chaps appear to be what cowboys wear to keep their legs warm.
For some reason, the expression "chaps in chaps" brings to mind a different image altogether. Not that there's anything wrong with that.



• Temperature

When a Brit says it's 32° they mean it's fecking hot.
When a Merkan says it's 32° they mean it's freezing.
The only time we seem to be in complete agreement is when it's minus forty. Even a Glaswegian will admit that's cold.

Toot toot!