Farty's Fortunes

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Merkan-English Dictionary #4

  • Pavement/Sidewalk
    A road is a road is a road. Despite what the Romans thought, not all of them lead to Rome.
    The bit down each side, that pedestrians walk on, is the pavement. From side+walk.
  • Trousers/Pants
    A man wears trousers; a dog pants.
    What Englishmen wear under their trousers are called pants or underpants.
    Ask a Scotchman if anything's worn under the kilt and he'll tell you no, it's all in perfect working order.
  • Friendly Fire
    This oxymoron, with the emphasis on moron, appears to be uniquely Merkan. There is no equivalent in the civilised1 world.
  • Faggots
    In the UK, we throw faggots on the fire.
    In some US states, they may well do the same. That doesn't make it right.
  • Queen
    This can refer to either the Reigning Monarch or the Popular Beat Combo.
    It does not, as far as I know, mean a homosexualist.
  • Gay
    I'll concede this one. See, I'm flexible!
  • Laser
    Amplification by the
    Stimulated (not Zdimulated)
    Emission of
    I don't care that Google has 215,000 hits for 'lazer beam', you're still wrong.

1That's civilised with an 'S', not a 'Z'2.
2And 'Z' is pronounced 'Zed', not 'Zee'.


Since you've been good, here's an excerpt (from memory) from I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again (ISIRTA) sometime in the 1970's:

"I went to a mixed school. Girls, boys, rabbits, horses, lions..."
"Damned nearly!"

"When I was at school, I was a fag."
"I was a fag-end."
"I was a dog-end."
"I was a dog."
"I was a hot dog."
"Damned nearly!"


rilly super said...

FAh yes, divided by a common language Mr F. Here in Yerp, even a merkin can be something else entirely...

f:lux said...

People used to eat faggots too, so my granny told me. Some sort of meatball I think?

Cat said...

In the boarding school stories I used to read when I were a lass, there was often mention of young boys "fagging" for the bigger boys. I believe it meant some sort of servant type thing in that context, but then tales I've heard from ex public school lads may dispute that.

Mr Farty said...

Rilly - I'll just pretend I didn't understand that one ;-)

F:Lux - Mmmm, tasty gravy? Apparently.

Cat - I might just update this entry...

BOSSY said...

Can we do Trainers now? Versus sneakers? Or is that zneakerz?

lady macleod said...


lady macleod said...

..and the dictionary bit was brilliant!

Mr Farty said...

BOSSY - Farty will add it to a future entry, possibly also including socks vs sox.

Lady MacLeod - Have we met? I think it might have been at Lady Mondegreen's last summer. Or up north somewhere...do come again, dear.