Adventures In The Canada Part 1

Nae foties, ah cannae make them jump frae the camra tae the pooter. Mebbe later.

It was the longest four-hour flight of my life. 10:30 take-off from Glasgow, down to Manchester to pick up the rest of the passengers, then back up over fecking Glasgow, over Iceland (formerly known as Bejams), Greenland (no green that I could see), the Hudson Bay and the Rockies to land in Vancouver at 14:30 the same afternoon. Christ, I was knackered!

We took with us a kilt as a gift for our host. He promptly put it on back-to-front. Oh, how we laughed! Then he played a selection of shite Scotch tunes, e.g. I Love A Lassie, Scotchland The Brave, Campbeltown Loch, over and over and over. Oh, how we cried!

Canadians don't appear to have road rage, they go the opposite way. If you so much as hint that you might be considering the possibility of crossing the road (should a break in the traffic chance to appear), every vehicle immediately comes to a dead stop while they all patiently wait for you to make your way to the opposite kerb. Fan.Bloody.Tastic. You will never confuse Canadia with the US of Asshole for this reason alone.

Christ it's past midnight (08:00 BST). More later. Having fun.