Farty's Fortunes

Saturday 28 April 2007

Neighbourgate (or Neighborgate if you're Merkan)

So. Upstairs neighbours went on holiday and left the keys with us to house-sit. You know, feed the goldfish, clear the daily mountain of junk mail from behind the front door, take the kids to school, that sort of thing.

Imagine my surprise when on one such visit, I stumbled across a copy of Whitehouse periodical magazine. I say stumbled, but that might be stretching the definition of the word "stumble" a tad. In actuality, it was under a pile of VAT receipts. On the top shelf of a wardrobe. In the spare room. In the loft conversion.

Never having heard of this publication before (*ahem*), I opened it expecting to read about US fiscal policy, the history of the greatest democracy in the world, Dubya's latest foot-in-mouth episode and the race for the 2008 presidency.

Gentle reader, I can only say that surprise turned to amazement as my eyes beheld...young ladies in various states of undress, in ones, twos and sometimes threes, inserting lubricated, battery-operated devices into places where the sun most assuredly does not shine*!

Who would have thought that sweet Mrs Thingy upstairs was a closet lezzer all this time? I was so shocked at this revelation that my trousers and pants dropped around my ankles completely of their own accord. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I just hope poor Mr Thingy never finds out about his wife's fetish, he might have a stroke. So to speak.

*Has anyone seen that film Sunshine yet? I read a review in New Scientist which said it was crap, but then it would, wouldn't it? Just because the film's premise demands a suspension of disbelief that would make the Flying Spaghetti Monster look completely at home in the Vatican. Some people are so picky. Astrophysicists, cosmologists, stellar dynamicists, quantum theorists...

6 comments:

Cat said...

We were meant to go and see Sunshine last weekend, but it rained. Instead, we watched The History Boys on DVD (probably better as a play, in case you're wondering) and had a Chinese takeaway.

Brom said...

I want to go and see it, however I can only make the late slots at the cinema. Apparently they can only show it during daylight hours.

Mr Farty said...

Cat - I'll put it on my to-watch list.

Brom - B'dum Tsh!

Mr Farty said...

Oh, look! More battery-operated fun here at Little Red Boat. Naughty Anna!

Drama Queen said...

I have the keys to THREE flats at the moment. I don't know why they trust me so. Lets just saying I have been having fun, especially with one who is away for two months and has asked me to open all his mail. . .

Mr Farty said...

DQ - Oh, the blackmail opportunities!

Feck, it took me all my time getting that Shaggy Blog thing up there. I'll give it a try though.