Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 19 April 2007

Hell's Grannies

I see that now Britain's pensioners are to be tagged.

Quite right too. Can't have the old farts wandering about unattended, they might start ranting on about "Eeee, when I were young this were all fields!" Or blowing all their pension money on trips to the bingo. Or stopping dead in the middle of a busy shopping centre to congregate and rabbit on about their terrible lumbago and the good old days when it were only tuppence for a half-loaf of bread.

Hmmm.

Now if the tags were on collars fitted with explosive devices, and computer chips programmed to detect the fucktards taking too long to get on a bus, whinging about the prices nowadays (at the fecking checkout whilst rummaging for change) or generally making a damn nuisance of themselves, that might put a spring in their step.

Just a thought.

16 comments:

Timbo said...

Ever seen Battle Royale? We should do that, except with grannies rather than Japanese schoolchildren.

john.g. said...

Oooh, Farty..............when you get old. How about doing that with all the f*cking delinquents out there?

SpanishGoth said...

Yeah - METALLICA - Kill Them All

*runs off laughing*

Mr Farty said...

Timbo - No. Ever read The Reefs of Space, written by Fred Pohl and Jack Williamson thirty-five years earlier? Not that I'm an intellectual snob or that; maybe I'll get the DVD.

JG - I'm still twelve in my head.

Goth - Ah, so *that's* why they call you Goth.

Cat said...

At least they don't whine about the prices on the buses. They travel free, while the rest of us pay outrageous amounts for transport that's always late and packed to the gunnels with old people, when it bothers to turn up at all.

Mr Farty said...

Cat - Yeah! Grrr!

BOSSY said...

"This were all fields" - priceless.

Mr Farty said...

Farty thinks BOSSY's blog is much funnier than his own.

lettuce said...

only 1/120th? I'm shocked.

Brom said...

Pees me off that they bulk out the queues at checkouts at lunchtimes and queue up for their pensions whan they have all friggin day to do it.

hell when I get to that age... I'll probably do the same!!

Mr. X said...

...And block the isles in supermarkets with those stupid little trollies...

Grr...

Mr Farty said...

Lettuce - Never mind tuppence, you could get a twelve-course meal at the Dorchester, take in a show at the Windmill, get taken home in a chaffeur-driven limo, and still have change from a farthing. Er, whatever a farthing was; I wouldn't remember those, being just thirty-something meself and that.

Brom - The worst offenders are the ones who get their pensions paid straight into their bank accounts yet *still* queue up at the Post Office just to spend time yakking to their mates behind the counter.

Mr. X - I am soooooooooo looking forward to retirement. Hehe!

Jerry Sadowitz(sp?) - Pensioners should all be drowned at birth.

apprentice said...

Oi! Lay off the old dears, whose going to pack your bags in BQ and vote for the next Government?

Mr Farty said...

Apprentice - Don't get me started on the bloody guvmint. Grr!

apositivepessimist said...

ou Farts I cackled so much it led to a coughing jag. fucken cold. maybe I passed it onto one of my old tarts...oh well, guess that’s my way of possibly thinning out the infirm herd.

every now and again I wanted to lash out with a... “Yeah well live it up you old fucker when I’m yer fucken age there won’t be a fucken pension...so shut yer wrinkled fucken old guts up”...whenever I was informed how easy it is today. No bloody wonder I smoked dope in my down time.

Mr Farty said...

Apos - Amen to that.