I Have A Terrible Feeling Of Déjà Vu

Jenny the Bloggess has retired to her chambers to concentrate on her magnum opus.

Again.

I can picture her now: seated at her writing desk with a goose quill in her hand, her faithful hound Barnaby Jones Pickles seated at her feet (artistic licence), a huge powdered wig perched atop her head with bottles of Xanax and vodka secreted away in its hidden depths. A sheet of parchment gradually filling with elegant curlicued copperplate as she channels the spirit of Nancy W. Kappes, paralegal.

You go, girl!

World Trade Centre to Relocate to Scotland

Under ambitious new plans announced to the press today, a new World Trade Centre is to be built in the heart of Bonnie Scotchland. The noo.

The World Trade Centre Association (WTCA) has granted Embra toon cooncil a licence to waste even more money on top of what's already been squandered on the Parliament building and the fecking trams. The cooncil believes the site close to both Embra airport and the global HQ of RBS is an ideal target for terrorists.

Cooncillor Shuggy McNumpty declared that the original licence was to catch crabs in the Water of Leith, but with the aid of a crayon this had been amended to grant full permission to build a bothy close to the site of the Royal Highland Show.

Artist's Impression

It is hoped that the new WTC would rival Great Britain's only other site in Hull.

Ownership of the licence would be reassigned just as soon as someone mental enough to think this plan might work can be found, although last night Donald Trump was unavailable for comment.

Just You Wait And See

So yesterday Norman Wisdom passed away, age 95. Apparently his mental health had been failing for some time, and this was suitably reflected in a number of tributes wrongly attributing him as co-writer of There'll Be Bluebirds Over The White Cliffs of Dover. To be fair, that is what his Wikipedia entry said at the time the lazy journalists looked it up, but to be harsh, they shouldn't believe everything they read on the internets.

For those of you not familiar with Twitter, what's it like in the Stone Age? here are some more Norman Wisdom "facts".


rpcompaneros
#NormanWisdomFacts Norman Wisdom invented toothpaste
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Mr Farty
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman played Gort in the original movie The Day The Earth Stood Still. His visor was operated by a trained gerbil.
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TheCockOfJesus
#NormanWisdomFacts He thought Albania was an affliction affecting hair colour and eye sight.
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TheConnArtist
#NormanWisdomFacts He thought Albania was a shithole.
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rpcompaneros
#NormanWisdomFacts Wisdom once climbed Everest, Mount Fuji and Ben Nevis. This was collectively known as the Norman Conquests
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Mr_Neurosceptic
#NormanWisdomFacts Norman's brother Saxon wasn't famous for anything. He did try to invent waterproof cardigans for cats. They failed.
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RANTINGMALE
#normanwisdomfacts he used the alias of big_norm and won the 2008 UK online poker championship, but gave his purse to a squirrel sanctuary
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BertSwattermain
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was 6'3", but he insisted on hiring basketball teams as his entourage.
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rantyman
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was runner up in the 1937 series of X-Factor, losing out to a troupe of Morris Dancing gerbils
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Mr_McChin
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman founded Lidl as he was sick of paying full price for Bratwurst.
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BertSwattermain
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was the stunt co-ordinator for the PG Tips chimp adverts.
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BertSwattermain
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was the recently fired drummer in Lordi. It broke his heart and he never recovered.
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Rantyman
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman's famous cap was woven from the carefully collected pubic hairs of his wife
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MrFarty
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman Wisdom invented cheese.
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Mr_McChin
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was the only man to successfully scale Jo Brand.
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Mr_McChin
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman was known to his mates as 'old green bollock'.
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MrFarty
#NormanWisdomfacts Norman Wisdom won the 1982 Nobel Prize for ending the war between ghosts and zombies.
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Mr_Neurosceptic
#normanwisdomfacts "The Sandwich Man" is the only film available on DVD in North Korea.
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Mr_Neurosceptic
#normanwisdomfacts Norman Wisdom had three ribs removed so he could suck his own Y-fronts.
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Mr_Neurosceptic
#normanwisdomfacts Norman Wisdom turned down the role of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver because he only had a license to drive a lawnmower.
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Mr_Neurosceptic
#normanwisdomfacts Zookeepers used to show chimpanzees Norman Wisdom films to stop them biting their toenails.

You're really not missing much.