World Mourns IRA Backer

The world was in mourning last night for the notorious killer and terrorist fundraiser Edward "Ted" Kennedy, who died after his own revolted body turned against him in disgust.

Best known for the 1969 killing of political campaigner Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick, Kennedy was also heavily involved in financing terrorist organisation the Irish Republican Army (IRA), holding innumerable fundraising parties in order to pay for guns, ammunition, training, bomb-making materials, etc.

Sinn Féin mastermind Gerry Adams said, "If it hadn't been for Ted's relentless fundraising activities, we, er, I mean the IRA would have run out of money to buy guns back in the 1970s, but thanks to his help, we, um, they were able to kill British soldiers, policemen and the hated Protestants right through the '80s, '90s and on into the 21st century. For that, terrorists everywhere owe him an undying debt of gratitude."

In 2004, airline agents acting on the advice of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) attempted to block the known terrorist backer from boarding five separate flights, but on each occasion the silver-tongued killer was able to con officials into believing that he was in fact a respected US Senator and allowed to proceed with his campaign of terror.

Finally, however, Kennedy's own brain turned against him and successfully finished him off on Tuesday, August 25, 2009. He will be missed only by supporters of terrorism.

No Representation Without Taxation

So Hillary Clinton thinks it would be absolutely wrong to release Libyan Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi from prison over his alleged involvement in the Lockerbie bombing.

As a US citizen, Clinton pays no UK taxes. And this is perfectly right and proper, but it cuts both ways. As a non-taxpayer in this country, it would be absolutely wrong for her to dictate how our judicial system should operate.

All the more so since the US government has consistently withheld evidence all the way from the initial investigation to the trial and subsequent appeal.

To summarize: Dear Hillary, Fuck off. Yours, Scotland.

Just my twopence worth.

We Are A Grandmother

Baby Farty arrived in the world this morning, courtesy of Little Miss Farty. Mrs Farty and I are so proud!

Somalia sends food parcels to House of Commons to supplement MPs' rations

Somalians have dug deep in their pockets after hearing of the plight of British MPs, who are being treated like shit and have to live on rations, according to Shadow Commons leader Alan Duncan.

"This is absolutely scandalous," said Mogadishu resident Saeed Abdallah. "Here we are, living in the lap of luxury with not a care in the world, except for the occasional suicide bombing or random beheading, while hardworking British lawmakers have to scrape by on as little as £64,766 pa. Plus expenses.

"When the Somali people learned of the MPs' plight through a wind-up radio tuned into the BBC World Service, we immediately agreed to club together and collect every grain of rice we could pry from between the floorboards, along with the leftover bones from a stray dog we caught and ate a couple of weeks ago.

"We hope that this offering, though small, will help sustain the starving MPs through these times of hardship until after the next election, when it is sincerely hoped that their freeloading snouts will be back in the trough before you can say duck house."

Twitterfail

Hmmm. No response from Twitter on mobile, Twitterfox, Firefox, IE8, Tweetdeck - there's some kind of pattern emerging there. I'd better tweet about it and see what my tweeps make of it all. No, wait...

Computer Terms Illustrated #31

I would ask if anyone still reads this crap, but my hit counter just passed 50,000 so I'll take that as a yes. You sad, lonely people. No, not you, you're great. The rest of them. Losers.

Header

In stall

Profile

Format

Denial of Service

ShortcutHot Fuzz (click for clip)

Sin Tax Error

Thin Client

Thrashing

End now?

Trailer

Still to come - Bobby Tables, Bullean Algebra, Bigendian, Cloud Computing...