Decisions, decisions...

I must have done something right, as I've been awarded a Red Letter Day by TPTB. There is so much to choose from, I am at a loss what to pick.

That's where you come in. Which of these wonderful experiences do you think I would appreciate the most?

1. 30 minute Light Aircraft Flight. It's not as if I get vertigo on a stepladder. No, wait.
   
2. Deluxe Ginger Chocolate Selection.
   
3. Intermediate Golf Masterclass with a Pro. That sounds a bit of alright. Oh, pro golfer. Boo!
   
4. Farting. Oops, my mistake. Karting.
   
5. Pamper Spa Day. Nothing like a good pamp in the spa.
   
6. Topshop VIP Experience. With a personal shopper and that.
   
7. All Bar None Chocolate Selection.
   
8. White Water Rafting for Two. Oh, yes, Mrs F would just love that. If she could swim.
   
9. Aerotow Gliding Flight. Ooo, flying with no propellor, fab!
   
10. Bird of Prey Day. Now I would love to fly a Romulan Bird of Prey!
    
11. Sumptuous Chocolate Truffle Selection.
    
12. Overnight Ghost Hunt. Cos what's the point of daylight ghost hunting?
    
13. Skidpan Driving. Sounds vaguely toilet related. Ah, but you need a valid driving licence.
    
14. Luxurious Milk Chocolate Selection.
    
15. Extended Microlighting. I could wear a nappy, I suppose.
    
16. Adopt An Olive Tree. FFS.
    
17. Superior Fruit Chocolate Selection.
    
18. Bouquet of Stargazer Lilies. I'm in touch with my feminine side already, ta.
    
19. Dom Perignon Gift Box.
    
20. Falconry Day. I could train it to hunt grey squirrels, cool!
    
21. Gourmet Experience Voucher.
    
22. High-Speed Passenger Ride for Two. And that differs from joyriding in Wester Hailes how, exactly?
    
23. Ice Climbing for Two. Totally appropriate for anyone with arthritis.
    
24. Krug Champagne Gift Box. Don't like champagne.
    
25. 24cm Cast Iron Round Casserole Dish. Wow!
    
26. Mountain Climbing. Meh.
    
27. Paintball for Three. Me, Mrs F and Mrs Dull. Two paintball guns.
    
28. Rapid Running for Two. As against Slow Running?
    
29. Rich Dark Chocolate Selection.
    
30. Rock and Ice Climbing for Two. Whoopee.Frickin.Doo.
    
31. Chocolate Club (8 months)
    
32. Sony Walkman 8GB MP3 and Video Player.
    
33. Stokesley Hamper. Nom. Nom. And indeed, nom.
    
34. Supreme Chocolate Box.
    

Adventures In The Canada Part 3

In Which Events Take an Unexpected Turn

It appears that fucktards are to be found the world over, as we discovered when our host threw us out of his flat. I'm not sure whether it was because we didn't want to go to the hockey game with him, leaving him out of pocket by fifty bucks per head, or because Mrs Farty told him to ditch his crack-whore good-for-nothing thieving girlfriend before she sold off everything he had for drugs. Anyway, we moved in with his pot-smoking daughter and her trailer-trash husband, who made us feel somewhat more welcome by giving up their bed for us. And driving us up to Whistler.

Whistler is a beautiful piece of unspoilt Canadian outback. Or was, until the ski resort was built. And they won their bid to host the 2010 Winter Olympics. Now it's more of a tourist trap. Still, they had nice chocolate-coated strawberries (at two dollars ninety-nine each, how many do you think we bought?), toffee apples and a great big (stuffed toy) grizzly bear. We stopped off on the way back down to take in the Brandywine Falls - simply breathtaking - then detoured through Stanley Park to see the black skwerls.

Still loving the Canada...