Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 13 March 2009

Merkan-English Dictionary

The great thing about having all these Merkan bloggers in my reader is the rich variety of incomprehensible crap new and exciting terminology that they use. Which I then have to go and research so that I can update my dictionary for your elucidation (Brits) or education (y'all ignorant rednecks). So without further ado:

Polo Mints. Round, minty, white, with a hole in the middle.
How anyone could confuse these with Lifesavers is beyond me.
Bloody copycats! *cough*

Those people who tell you that a battered shoebox in the middle of a slum is a "delightful fixer-upper situated in a quiet neighbo[u]rhood"? Merkans argue over whether the correct pronunciation is REAL-tors or re-AL-tors, while Brits prefer "esTATE agents". I prefer "lying scum".
What they say: This house has lots of potential.
What they mean: Potential energy.

Pound. What could be simpler than the standard unit of British currency?

So it's confusing when Merkans call this a pound.
Because we Brits call it a hash.

Not to be confused with a quarter.

No wait, I meant the other kind of quarter.

Although a quarter pounder is a quarter pounder.

Now I've got the munchies.


Jimmy Bastard said...

Och, away with yersel man. It's no a pound.. it's a poond!


AtomicLaura said...

Did you coach John Cleese in his supposed "Letter to America"?... you're just wishing you had Britney Spears (pleeeeze, come and take her)
-- signed, A Redneck

Mr Farty said...

CU Jimmy - Dinnae fash yersel. If a wis tae talk proper, thon numpties wid huv nae idea whit ah wis oan aboot. Swings and roondaboots.

Ye ken?

A. Laura - Why, thank you kindly, ma'am. But I prefer a real woman.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Aye, I ken the noo laddie, ah'v had a wee swatch and I still don hauve a scooby.

Che said...

Jeez, dude, you're just talking out of your fanny.

Che said...

eh am offtae smoke a fag now.

( i understand this phrase is the source of much merriment in the United States of America ).

Laurie said...

Being a naturalized citizen of these here U-Ni-Ted States, just makes me a constantly confused Britneck.

And there are many, many people here who pronounce it Ree-LIT-or, which just really chaps my hide..er..gets right up my nose?

Cat said...

I've not seen Munchies in ages - are they called something else now?

Mr Farty said...

McChé - My first post in this series covered the fanny that is Hugh Grant. And setting light to fags is just wrong.

Laurie - Chaps your hide? Srsly?

Cat - Me neither, but I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Lesley said...

That's not a pound or a hash. IT'S A TIC TAC TOE BOARD.

(Merkan incomprehensible crap – THAT'S TOTALLY ME ISN'T IT?)

Lying scum. Heh.

Anna Russell said...

I think they'll spank your fanny if you say this to them.

fracas said...

Being the only person who offered me advice on how to hire a hit man to kill the old man... I've decided to make you famous in the fraccy world".

I do hope you don't mind.

Mr Farty said...

@umwhat - Tic Tacticals will deffo make it into another post. I love youse guys really.

Anna - Erm, is that even possible?

Fracas - Fame! I'm gonna live forever!

I'll have to go and take a look now, innit?

Guyana-Gyal said...

I have no idea why I understand most of the Scottish here. I learnt 'dinnae fash yerself' as a child, from some book, and have said it to people [in a Guyanese accent].

Hash is also some strange thing the Brits. do here: http://www.guyanahhh.blogspot.com

Guyana-Gyal said...

As you can see with the Brits. hash here, a lot of the local girls are encouraged to take part :-D

Mr Farty said...

GG - Well, you do learn something new every day. I could have sworn one of those girls was a mermaid.