Farty's Fuckit List

Tagged for this about a gazillion years ago; in fact, so long ago I forget who tagged me now, sorry whoever you are.

A Fuckit List is the opposite of a Bucket List: a list of things you don't care about doing before you die instead of things you do want to do.

• Write That Novel. Let's face it, I have trouble maintaining my concentration for more than - oh, look, shiny! Um, yeah. So what chance do I have of stringing together enough coherent thoughts to fill a book? And I don't think this really counts.


• Scuba Diving off/on/through the Great Barrier Reef. Not that I'm afraid of getting eaten by a Great White Shark or that, it's just that I prefer my fish with tomato sauce, cheese, jalapeno peppers, onions, ground beef, green peppers and garlic dip. Clue: rhymes with banchovies.


• Catch up on Google Reader. Like that's ever going to happen, sigh. 325 and climbing.


• Climb the Eiffel Tower/Empire State Building/other tall thing. Tall buildings are overrated and planes go far higher anyway. Well, except Air Force One, obv.


• Go on the Weakest Link. It's far more fun shouting the answers at the telly and then if you're wrong you only get embarrassed in front of your family, not half the nation.


• Do that interview for The Pakistani Spectator. No, wait...can I redact that last one?

Your go. If ye can be bothered, like.

I'm An Asshole

The clue, mes amis, is in the name.

I've got visitors coming and the place is a 'king mess. 'King hell, there's no time, I'll just sweep the worst of it under the carpet and hope they're too polite to mention it.

But first...

When is L smaller than M but bigger than XL? No cheating.

A recent autopsy on King Henry VIII showed that he had brain damage from a jousting fall, plus syphilis. Was he mad? Well, he wisnae very pleased.

Scotchland is on the brink of seceding from the union with Englandland, taking her cue from Texas. All hail 'King Mel!


How can you guarantee re-election without rigging the vote? Apparently you could do worse than dropping dead of a heart attack after rescuing your town from the great muskrat crisis of '08. I love you Merkans. So much blog fodder just sitting there...

My new motto: Any solution that depends on people not being lazy morons will never work. So true...

New government health and safety initiative: Children to be put to death "for their own good". That'll keep the pedos at bay. Except the necrophiliacs, I suppose. Feck, this blog is going to get a lot of hits for all the wrong reasons.

Coming soon: Farty's Fuckit List. Are you on tenterhooks yet?


How about now?

I Do Not Fucking Believe It

You might need to click for a better look.

Computer Terms Illustrated - Photoshop Special

Not that I've ever used Photoshop or that...

Sharpen

BlurOr possibly Oasis, I can never remember which is which. All these boy bands look alike.

Layers

Red Eye

Burned EdgesI used to be able to read this. Seriously.

ZoomI ♥ Chris Foss.

Crop

Straighten

ScanAlien life form detected, Captain. No, wait...that's me.

Flood Fill

Rotate
Princes Street, Embra. Great here, innit?

No Lyrics

Radio ad: blah blah 2 Unlimited coming to Embra...

Little Miss Farty: That would be hard.

Me: How so?

LMF: One of them died ten years ago.

Me: Oh rly? Which one?

LMF: The girl.

Me: What, the girl that played to a sell-out crowd in Brazil last year?

LMF: Er...

Me: Not that I'm a big fan of Anita Doth or that.



I love it when I know more about the pop scene than my daughter. I am so hep.

I Couldn't Go To BlogHer '08 Because I Don't Have A Vagina

But based on eyewitness reports, transcripts, live blogging, some rather shaky video footage, hearsay, gossip, rumour and guesswork, I have finally managed to assemble fabricate the following docu-drama.

Bloggess vs Dooce


I am totally going to get sued for this.

Computer Terms Illustrated #26

Floating Point

Heap

Adobe

Down Time

Console

Followers

Feed Burner

Address Space

Captcha

PC
Yeah, like I'd do anything PC...Happy Holiday!