Farty's Fortunes

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Farty's Ten Rules Of Blogging

I've just had this brilliant and totally original idea. And anyone who says otherwise can sue me.

  1. Keep it short. Or at least interesting. Nobody wants to hear about your 1,000 favourite cheeses, trust me on this.

  2. Never blog while pissed. Or pissed off. There's this "save as draft" option, I never remember to use it till it's too late.

  3. Oh, but never, ever delete a post. That is so annoying.

  4. Keep it funny. This is my advice to you. I am naturally funny, but you should work on it. Except, well, you know who you are.

  5. Don't take yourself too seriously.

  6. Comments are indeed bliss. Sometimes they're better than the original post (don't even think about it, John).

  7. A picture paints a thousand words. Choose them carefully.
    Supper With Stella

  8. Don't worry that you've got "nothing to write about". That's what memes are for. I mean this in a good way.

  9. Don't take everything personally. Bollocks. It's your blog. Web-log. Online journal. Diary. How much more personal can it get, FFS? If you're posting comments in someone else's blog, remember what goes around, comes around. So be nice.

  10. Window dressing. It's up to you. Tired Dad is just as funny as BOSSY; they just look different. It's content that matters.

  11. Everything is permitted. Nothing is true.


Alex said...

Save as draft is an option I need to learn to use as well. My drunk posts are neither big nor clever.

Nice rules though! :)

Misssy M said...

I've given up wondering what "works".

Posts of mine that I think, "right, and press post...and let the hundreds of comments begin!!!!" I scratch my head looking at the next day when they have only received one comment.(Usually from Gorilla Bananas in my case. God Bless that ape)

The I'll go and dash off a pile of shite about Jeremy Beadle's withered hand and people go nuts for it. Whaaaaa?

But the rules are sound.

I would also add, "Don't freak out if you don't get loads of comments...it doesn't mean that people aren't reading"

And, as the reverse of that, "Try to comment on everything you read because bloggers assume they've written a steaming pile of poo if they don't get loads of comments".

I also particularly advise blogging naked with the window open.

john.g. said...

Farty, that is a crap tree, best decorated with a match and petrol. It is however better than ours, as we don't have one!

Marie said...

So what's number five? Going back and editing posts can be pretty bad too.

In today's blog- lesbian kissing, just for you!

Cat said...

I completely agree about keeping it short and snappy. Lately I seem to be unable to keep to this rule. I also agree with Misssy about not using comments as a barometer. I'd rather someone commented because they had something insightful to say than to say something like "Sending you cyber hugs". Cyber hugs? What the feck?

aims said...

Have popped in for a visit - and love your rules...

However - love your comment about the coffee more -

Mr Farty said...

Alex - Hello! Is it hello again? I've had a busy weekend.

Misssy - Exactly. I've posted some articles that I've worked long and hard on (fnarr - I wrote hard on!) - without getting a single comment. Others I've bashed out as the thoughts came to me, hit "post", had second thoughts and went back to delete the whole post, only to find lots of comments along the lines of "brilliant", "original", "etc." Beats me.

Think I'll leave the naked blogging to Peter at Naked Blog and Mr Angry.

John - Like I say, I've been busy. Any better ideas than that?

Marie - Haha. There's always one who asks. See 6.

Cor, Lesbian Kissing!!! You realise I'll have to start cyber-stalking you now.

Cat - Feck. I've got a post I'm writing about...well, wait and see. I've already split it into three sections and it's still too long. Hmmm....

Cyber hugs? I've got images of Doctor Who hugging a cyberman now. Ew!

I don't like to post comments just for the sake of it, esp if someone has already made my point. Meh.

Aims - No I'm pretty sure you're new here. Do come again.

I made a comment about coffee?

Dearie me, this is the first chance I've had to sit down at the pooter since Thursday, and it's nearly midnight on Sunday. Pity I've got work in the morning, else I could put up my first Xmas pics.
Patience, dear readers.

Babs said...

Oh I think all my readers gave up on trying to get me to write shorter posts. Even their e-petition failed.

And I can't believe a 1,000 favorite cheeses post is off limits!!

I may be forced to sulk :P

Mr Farty said...

Babs - Mmmm. I skip your longer ones. Sorry. But not very.