The New Winning

The Funniest Blog On The Interweb, with a massive 5.1% of the vote, is officially...BOSSY!

If Dubya can win with only a handful of votes, so can any other Merkan citizen.

Blog Awards

GO HERE:

VOTE FOR BOSSY.

That is all.

Lest We Forget

When I was a lad at school, my form master revealed that during the war, he was in military intelligence. Exciting, eh?

Anyway, one of his many tasks was, after the war ended, to debrief the doctors who used to work in the Nazi concentration camps. It was never entirely clear why they had doctors in the first place, given what happened next...

This isn't easy.

Apparently, the doctors had to examine the Jews and decide whether they were fit enough to be gassed.

I'm really confused.

So. George (his real name) asked one of the doctors how on earth he could stand to send his fellow human beings to their deaths?

"Oh, they weren't human beings. They were Jews."

What The Fuck?

Naked Singularities and the Grandfather Paradox

According to New Scientist, it's theoretically possible, if you can find a naked singularity, to build a time machine. Apparently, naked singularities are an embarrassment to physicists, prancing about with no clothes on and that.

"I don't know why people immediately think that time travellers will be overcome with a desire to commit murder," says boffin Fernando de Felice, referring to the grandfather paradox. This states that you can't go back in time because you might kill your grandfather and thus prevent your own birth.

I think he's got it back to front.

Alex has a rich and powerful grandfather and can't wait for the old miser to keel over and pass on his riches. So he borrows capital against his inheritance and builds a time machine to take him back to the years of his grandfather's youth, neatly sidestepping the security guards in the process.

He murders the defenseless youth, then realises that Grandad hadn't yet made his fortune as the time machine promptly disappears.

But wait! Alex knows a bit about the stock market, so he's able to buy low and sell high when there are large, "unpredictable" swings in the market - which he remembers from his history lessons.

He makes his fortune, marries a nice girl, and gradually comes to realise that his wife is Grandma. Which make Alex his own grandfather. How to prevent his own grandson from going back in time and killing himself?

I hate naked singularities. They give you a sore head.

Kat Fight!

Things are really hotting up over at The All New 21st Century Online Collaborative Internet Novel.

Remember, Remember

Tourettes Society Bonfire Night

Winter Draws On

The nights, as they say, are fair drawing in, and Scotchmen and Scotchwomen across, er, Scotchland have taken to wandering around with their heads tilted back and mouths hanging eagerly open. Aye, there's a nip in the air...


In the run-up to Halloween, police have been warning ordinary folks that "young people" are evil monsters and will be arrested if found in possession of flour or eggs. "We do not want to be seen as killjoys", said a killjoy yesterday, "but would you like it if some young-un were to bake you a sponge cake? Why, the chloresterol could kill you in twenty or thirty years!"


If they can avoid getting arrested while they're at the shops getting kitted up for trickle-treating, the kids will of course be buying the usual bag of nuts - "and no' too many coconuts!" I still love that one.

Good news for nerds this week. Apparently, boffins have declared that love and sex with robots are inevitable. Given the choice, which of these would you rather have?

Happy Halloween!