Farty's Fortunes

Friday, 12 February 2010

Scientists Hate Cats

It's true and I can prove it.


  • Schrödinger's Cat
  • Erwin Schrödinger devised an experiment to explain how Quantum Uncertainty works. In essence, you put a cat in a box with some radioactive Caesium, a Geiger counter, a hammer and a vial of Prussic acid. After a suitable length of time has passed, there's a 50% chance that the Caesium has fissioned and the Gieger counter has detected it, causing the hammer to strike the vial, releasing the Prussic acid and killing the cat. But the only way to tell whether this has indeed happened, whether the cat is dead or alive, is to open the box, risking getting a faceful of claw. And serves you right.
  • Einstein's Cat
  • Albert Einstein described how radio works by grabbing a cat and stretching it from New York to Los Angeles, then pulling its tail. No, wait, that's telegraph. In radio, you take away the cat. But what did he do with the cat?
  • The Bloggess's Buttered Cat
  • Jenny the Bloggess took a cat and strapped a slice of buttered toast to its back, butter side up. Then she threw it off the roof to see whether she had invented perpetual motion. Surprisingly, the cat landed on its side. But thats' why we do science, because sometimes the results aren't what we expected.


Anyway, scientists - proper scientists - always use cats in their experiments and the reason for this is that scientists hate cats. Probably because cats keep destroying their laboratories with their laser eyes.
Lasercats
Pew! Pew!


Q.E.D.

7 comments:

Kitten said...

Started out disturbing, but ended in the kick-assiest way ever. Still laughing!

john.g. said...

NUTTER!

Mr Farty said...

Kitten - Welcome to my increasingly infrequent blog. Glad you liked that.

John - That's me.

Welsh Girl said...

Those pesky laser eyed cats.. No wonder the lab coat geeks hate them... Why haven't there been any in James Bond / Austin Powers films yet. I want to see Blofeld's cat try to take over the world. Now that would be Pussy Galore

Mr Farty said...

Taffeta - Cats are ace. The only thing better than cats are meerkats. Which are also cats, but they stand on two legs and sell insurance or something. I think it's time for my meds.

lady macleod said...

Yes, but pussies always find a way to survive and thrive - even in the face of adversity.

Mr Farty said...

Lady M - Well, they do have nine lives!