GILF

Many moons ago God how I hate that phrase! Twenty years ago, when I was taking LMF to nursery, I used to stop off to pick up her wee pal Jimmy (or whatever the feck his name was, come on, it was twenty years ago).

Jimmy's Mum could, I suppose, have dropped him off herself, but it was really no problem for me. I was glad to help out. It gave her time between getting Jimmy up, fed, watered and out the door and getting herself dressed.

Because regardless of how well turned out her little boy was, er, Suzie never seemed to have the time to even don a housecoat over her see-through negligée. Not that I ever complained. I'm not one to complain, as you know.

After leaning waaaaaaay over to kiss young Jimmy on the top of his head, she would turn and flounce back up the stairs as the front door slowly swung shut.

Did I mention she was drop.dead.gorgeous?

Then she moved away.

Last week, Mrs Farty and I were shopping in The Gyle when whom should we see coming towards us but Mr and Mrs Suzie? And as Mrs F pointed out when we engaged them in conversation, Suzie hasn't aged a day. Like Goldie Hawn in that film, but without the hole where her guts ought to be.


Anyway, she's a granny now, but I still would.

The New Winning

The Funniest Blog On The Interweb, with a massive 5.1% of the vote, is officially...BOSSY!

If Dubya can win with only a handful of votes, so can any other Merkan citizen.

Blog Awards

GO HERE:

VOTE FOR BOSSY.

That is all.

Lest We Forget

When I was a lad at school, my form master revealed that during the war, he was in military intelligence. Exciting, eh?

Anyway, one of his many tasks was, after the war ended, to debrief the doctors who used to work in the Nazi concentration camps. It was never entirely clear why they had doctors in the first place, given what happened next...

This isn't easy.

Apparently, the doctors had to examine the Jews and decide whether they were fit enough to be gassed.

I'm really confused.

So. George (his real name) asked one of the doctors how on earth he could stand to send his fellow human beings to their deaths?

"Oh, they weren't human beings. They were Jews."

What The Fuck?

Naked Singularities and the Grandfather Paradox

According to New Scientist, it's theoretically possible, if you can find a naked singularity, to build a time machine. Apparently, naked singularities are an embarrassment to physicists, prancing about with no clothes on and that.

"I don't know why people immediately think that time travellers will be overcome with a desire to commit murder," says boffin Fernando de Felice, referring to the grandfather paradox. This states that you can't go back in time because you might kill your grandfather and thus prevent your own birth.

I think he's got it back to front.

Alex has a rich and powerful grandfather and can't wait for the old miser to keel over and pass on his riches. So he borrows capital against his inheritance and builds a time machine to take him back to the years of his grandfather's youth, neatly sidestepping the security guards in the process.

He murders the defenseless youth, then realises that Grandad hadn't yet made his fortune as the time machine promptly disappears.

But wait! Alex knows a bit about the stock market, so he's able to buy low and sell high when there are large, "unpredictable" swings in the market - which he remembers from his history lessons.

He makes his fortune, marries a nice girl, and gradually comes to realise that his wife is Grandma. Which make Alex his own grandfather. How to prevent his own grandson from going back in time and killing himself?

I hate naked singularities. They give you a sore head.

Kat Fight!

Things are really hotting up over at The All New 21st Century Online Collaborative Internet Novel.

Remember, Remember

Tourettes Society Bonfire Night